Life as an Artist

It's been over ten years since I had a full time day job. Over the past decade, I've made a decent living as a teacher, freelance writer and web designer/video maker. It's a good life style because it allows me to make a decent living while pursuing my art as a writer/filmmaker. But the thing I hate about this lifestyle is that it's tough. You write and write with the goal of making something, seeing something happen, but it's such a long and slow process, it's easy to wonder if you're doing the right thing. I often wonder what I would feel like if I took a full time job at some sort of TV/Net venture, like say a Current TV. Maybe I'd like having salary, or knowing that something I put my work into will actually show up on TV. I've had several offers over the years, but I always find that I have too much freelance work, work as a teacher, or writer to do the full time job thing. These questions are my doubt seeping in sometimes, like maybe getting some nine to five deal will solve all the doubts I am sometimes plagued by. It's easy to be doubtful in this field, too, because there are so many subjective factors that go into having success. I had a friend who once actually asked me if there would be a day when I would quit, just forget about this and "do something else." But you see, the problem is, I don't really know what else I'd do. I would write books, maybe some articles (something I already do), but in terms of like being a project manager at a company or something, I'm just not sure about that. Maybe I'd enjoy it. At the moment, I am excited about shooting this movie, which we are doing in October, no matter what. I also have some new scripts that I think have potential, but again, it's a slow process, getting these out and seeing what might happen with them. I guess as artists/creative people, we just have to be extremely patient and have a lot of faith that the projects we sow will actually one day lead to other projects and more ideas.

Raspberry Bushes

So, I planted some raspberry bushes in my backyard, just to experiment a little, like the main character in my upcoming film, Raspberry Magic. It's pretty hard to grow raspberry bushes in LA, esp. because it doesn't rain that much. But mostly because I haven't been the most dedicated grower in the world. I thought the bushes would look a little happier with all the rains, but they kind of look sadder than ever... It would def. be impossible to grow berries on these sad little plants...

Crazy Days

The past few days have been a whirlwind, mostly because Megha and I were heading up to SF for a big investor meeting which subsequently got moved. But we decided to go up to SF anyway--I went bc my sister was out for a residency interview and Megha went up to see her sister, too. I thought it would be a pretty laid back weekend, but things went a little crazy bc of all the bad weather out here on the west coast. We got in much later than expected on Friday, but then Sunday when our flight was two hours late, I flipped out because Megha and I organized the Institute for International Film Finance speaker series for this month, and of course, it was happening that evening at five. It was all well planned, but we cut it really close getting back into town, and then to the venue. When I say that I flipped I out, I don't mean that I went ballistic in the airport or anything, but I did basically burst into uncontrollable tears for a seemingly ridiculous reason. Looking back on that moment, it seems kind of silly, but I think sometimes when you schedule too many things back to back without any wiggle room, this is what happens (to me at least). I also think I was a little overwhelmed with having gotten into a car accident a couple of days earlier. The accident wasn't bad, and actually, the girl who I hit had no damage. But my car was pretty banged up, which I was really upset by. Anyway, lots of interesting film meetings coming up... I hope this will be a week of calm and balance, unlike the last one.

Screenplay Structure

One of the most difficult aspects of leaning screenwriting is understanding basic screenplay structure. I don't mean learning some formula like the stuff Robert McKee advocates, but I mean understanding the general ebb and flow of how drama works, how you create tension and the general dramatic beats of a story. Structure is especially crucial in screenwriting, as opposed to a novel, because it is such a bare bones medium. There is very little room for wayward plots and storylines that don't feed into the main idea. I used to go in circles with plot and inevitably end of writing myself into a very confusing and dark corner. But now, I find that I have a certain rhythm to my writing, that I understand how it works. Everyone is different, but for me, I use a very rough structural model by figuring out the setup, inciting incident, climax and resolution. I have some story beats in between and I do a lot of character work. Then, I basically pound out a first draft. My first drafts are really shitty, but I find that the only way for me to write a screenplay is to write the actual screenplay. I know some writers do extremely detailed plot outlines, but I find that if I try to do this, I end up scratching the whole thing. I also like just getting into the draft because there is a process of discovery for me--I learn more about my characters and they go in places I would never have thought of in that first draft. Then, it takes me many more revisions to really get it right and polish it. I'm sure some writers do fewer drafts because they get their ideas together in the outline, but having gone through many different methods of trying to make this plot thing work, I've found that this process works for me. I say this because I feel like I'm getting to a solid draft of a new script, and the process has been much more fluid for me than in my past work. I am sure that I'll have other pieces which take me forever, but it was nice to understand my own process and be able to write more efficiently this time.

On the Hustle

Now that it's mid-January, we are back in full swing hustle mode on the film. I've been talking to all kinds of investors and even a few actors. There are some very promising developments on the horizon... The really exciting thing is that my DP, Jeffrey Chu, has been in town, so we've had a chance to sit down and really discuss the visual aspects of the film. We've been talking about what the color palette will look like for the movie and just the general feel. I want to go with colors that are a bit more subdued, that feel like realism, more like an old 16mm film than say something that is higher contrast in terms of the colors. I've always been pretty hardcore about shooting the movie on 16mm film, but the DP thinks we should explore the possibility of HD, so I am going to take a look. I am not crazy about the look of HD for dramas--I feel like it works well for comedies or even thriller type pieces like Collateral, but I like the color palette of film better. We'll see how it goes, it's more important to make the film than anything else, and Jeffrey is an excellent DP, so I'll be open to the possibilities.

Acting for Directors

This weekend, I took an "Acting for Directors" course with Judith Weston. I found it to be an excellent class, especially because Judith is a no frills teacher and didn't waste time on any BS, she went straight into a series of intense exercises which dealt with improv. and accessing emotions. These classes were invaluable to me as a director, but I also believe that they were helpful in terms of my writing. On some level, as writers, we are actors. When we create characters and bring them to the page, we are playing many different parts in order to make each character authentic and real. I find many of the exercises actors do to be extremely helpful in accessing deeper emotions and getting into a frame of mind which helps me dig deeper, especially improv. I would recommend all writers, especially screenwriters, to take at least one acting class. I also enjoyed Judith's class because all of the other students were directors working in different capacities--some came from commercials, others from music videos, etc, and most people had a feature project at some phase. There was a really exciting synergy in the class, which I haven't felt before in taking workshops around LA. Judith also gave some really specific and clear tips on working with children. The class got me super pumped to move forward on my project!!

The New Year!

I'm back in LA after ten days of complete chill time with the fam in NC--lots of eating good food and watching movies. Usually when I'm back in NC, I start to feel a little restless, but this time, I felt pretty content with being lazy. I guess that was an indication of just how burnt out I was at the end of December. Now I feel refreshed and ready to move forward with everything. In the few days I've been back in LA, things have been moving full force ahead. I met with our DP to discuss Raspberry Magic in depth, and the producer and I have a number of meetings coming up. We've also got some very exciting actor attachments on the horizon! I'm stirring creatively, which is great, there are so many things I want to do like develop a web series (I have a great premise!), plus so many new scripts to write. But it's tough to do everything so I'm going to focus on the feature (of course!) and my other scripts that are coming together. I'm also writing a new piece of flash fiction every week--it's been a great tool in terms of pushing my writing. This weekend, I am taking an intensive course called, "Acting for Directors." The class is a bit pricey, but it's well worth it. I really like Judith Weston because she is not pretentious and doesn't waste any time pimping her own resume. She does a series of intense and focused acting exercises geared toward directors. They are nerve racking, especially for those of us who are nervous about being vulnerable in front of other people, but it is really a great way for me to expand my process as a director both technically and creatively. I am generally stoked about the new year and am looking forward to busting my ass and making shit happen!

The Road

I recently finished reading Cormac McCarthy's Pulitzer-prize winning novel, The Road, and I have to say that it was one of the best books I've read in a very long time. I loved the sparse, staccato-like language, it's poetic rhythm taking you along the journey with father and son. The story was brilliant in its minimalism, giving the reader just enough information to go on the journey, but holding back the right amount to allow the reader's mind to wander. What I appreciated the most was the book's symbolic and metaphorical ruminations on the nature of love--when civilization has been decimated and father son are forced to find their way, is love enough to not only sustain them, but the future of the human race? In many ways, the book reminded me of The Fountainhead and Ayn Rand's theory of Objectivism, which condones altruism and advocates a rugged and fierce independence that in theory should empower the individual to survive. It's strange last night, because we were at a family party, and several of my husband's cousins and I stayed up late into the wee hours, debating this whole question of altruism versus the individual. One person in the group is a fierce Republican and believes wholeheartedly that tax dollars should not be used to help greater society, even when it comes to public services like health care, schools and more. He himself is wealthy and has done well in life, and some ways doesn't have much sympathy for those who have gone through hardships. It was an interesting discussion, something that kept bringing me back to the novel, The Road. McCarthy's book explores such complex and intricate questions, I've been thinking about it all week. Amazing that he could do so much with so little.

Insomnia on the East Coast

It's 3am and for the third night in a row, I am wide awake. I am so awake, it feels like 3pm in the afternoon, like I want to go jogging around the block five times. Whenever I come to NC for the holidays, I can't sleep. I'm sure it's partly due to the time change, but it's also because my mind goes into overdrive and I cannot stop thinking--the investors we're going to hit, the plot turn I'm adding to my new script, the short piece I need to polish. It reminds me of being a teenager, when I could never sleep, so I would read until 4am every night. Insomnia frustrates me, but right now, it's okay because I am in total chill mode, hanging out at my in-laws' place, eating all of the Indian delights I love like chaat and bhel. Yesterday, I finally fell asleep around 4am, then woke up at noon. It's been a long time since I've been in "chill mode", honestly, I can't really recall the last time, because I've been so crazed. So, instead of complaining, I will catch up on email and continue reading my books. It's sort of nice being in slow-paced Charlotte, going to Best Buy to get my father-in-law a TV and baking some cookies. It was weird flying here not only because Ameet and I were retarded enough to miss our flight, which meant hours of waiting for the next one, but also because the flight from Dallas to Charlotte was full of soldiers coming home for the holidays. I could not help but stare at a young woman, clad in a too-big uniform, her wire framed glasses sliding off her nose, her blond hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and her face full of pimples. Her young sister and mother waited in a corner while her father grabbed her bags off the conveyor belt. I couldn't help but worry, wonder whether she would make it home for the next Christmas, as she waved at several others wearing their camouflage. At least she was home for this one.

Ramifications of the Strike

As the Hollywood writers strike continues, I have been watching and monitoring the situation. While I believe that it is very important for a deal to be worked out, I always figured that market forces would create new incentives for both writers and internet ventures. The guild is a critical entity because it helps writers work out fair deals with the studios and major media conglomerates, particularly for larger production entities. But what I love about the Net is that it is a de-centralized form of media (that's why the studios don't know what to do with it) which is not overseen by the studios and media giants. In other words, what's stopping writers from going out and starting their own Net related ventures? That's what indie filmmakers do. We set up an investment entity, then we get people to believe in our vision. That is what I have been doing for the past couple of months--going out and getting investors. I know that many writers like working under the guild with the studios bc that is where the cash is, but on some level, now is a great time to come up with entrepreneurial ventures for the Net. We've seen sites like Quaterlife crop up, which I believe is a great idea, but the web site still needs a lot of refining on the technical end. It seems to me like in some ways, Hollywood is a little behind the curve bc content-related sites like even Current TV have been several years in the making. John August writes on his blog today about this idea, that technologists are in talks with high profile writers about setting up new entities. There is also a good article in the LA Times about this, as well.

Feelix

Feelix, built by Jakob Fredslund at Aarhus University in Denmark, is going to play a role in Raspberry Magic. But more to come on him soon...

I'm Still Here... Kind Of

The past month has been a total and complete whirlwind between writing, teaching, grading and trying to keep my head above the water with making my little indie film. This time of the year is always a bit tough because people are so swamped, and it's stressful in terms of setting up meetings, etc. But we've been chugging through consistently talking to all kinds of people about investing in the movie. This process is rough, and absolutely not for those with weak stomachs or hearts. Even myself, there are days when I feel totally discouraged, and I just want to put a blanket over my head and pretend I'm five years old. But alas, I want to make the film, so I have to crawl out of that shell and make the shit happen. I am excited, actually, to head back to NC for the holidays and chill, just a little. The financing for the film will be ongoing, but I am excited that my new spec is really coming together. I've got a first draft, and I'll prob spend the next couple of months punching it up to a third draft. Hopefully by then, this strike will come to close! On another front, I've been writing new flash fiction, which is exciting and fun, since it's super short and requires much less committment than a feature length screenplay :)

Strike, AFM, Filmmaking

So, it's been a week of writer's strikes here in LA land... Though it doesn't affect me directly at present in terms of my indie film work, it's a bit nerve racking because it just means that the system is even slower than it already is, meaning it's going to take forever for new work to be read! Ughh, it's already so slow! I guess all of this just gives me the impetus to focus on Raspberry Magic and make the film, no matter how low budget we have to go. I'm just at that point in my life where it's like do or die, I have to make the film and move ahead. I've also been thinking lately about doing a couple of narrative shorts for the web. I've got so many ideas, and it may be fun to shoot something in kind of a low-fi format and just get it out there. I love the possibility, because it's so much easier than screening something in film festivals--people can watch it much more immediately! On another tip, my producer and I went to AFM last week to meet with several people about the movie. It was fun but weird on many levels, hanging out in the lobby of the Loew's Hotel. We met with a couple of distributor/producer types who are helping us make this film happen, which was great. The weird part was seeing some filmmakers dressed in costumes or handing out schwag like pens and buttons. Man, it's a total down and dirty sort of hustle, people trying to get the word out however they can... This business is def tough at every juncture.

Quiet Week, Strike Looming

This is the first week in a long time that I haven't had meetings for Raspberry Magic. It was weird, but a good time to catch up on a bunch of things like putting together our fall newsletter/update. The week before, I had a pretty big deal investor meeting with a crew of people, which went very well. Megha and I had spend weeks putting together slides that are beautiful but also shock full of information. It was a stressful process and at one point, I thought we might kill one another, but it all worked out. It was a great experience to tell the story of the movie and also break down the financial for a captive audience. There are a number of people who are interested, but this process is so long, it requires a lot of talking back and forth, meeting with more people and then more people, constantly. I think sometimes that's the part that's hard for me, because it's a lot of waiting. But, we are lucky that we've got the meetings, and that we have a good group of people interested in the film. It's crazy with the whole Hollywood strike looming. I am sure it will impact me in ways I never imagined, even though it's not directly. It does seem like, though, with all this going on, we'll see more money going into webisodes and indie film. It will be interesting to see how all this shakes out.

Sense of Reality

What is reality and what how does one define existence? It's an abstract question, but the truth is that each of us have a different sense of reality and even meaning in our lives. For one person, reality might be about basic survival--finding food, shelter and water on a daily basis. For me, it's dealing with raising money for a movie, and living here in LA. For a good friend of mine who has a pretty bad case of paranoid schizophrenia, it's a about a "secret project" that no one knows about and that he can't tell us about. He's hiding out from people, and truly believes that there is conspiracy against him which involves someone logging into his email and monitoring his phone calls. I hesitated to blog about this whole thing because it's a highly personal matter, but on another level, it's preoccupied my thoughts more than I can even explain lately. Even more so, because some friends and I recently had an intervention where we tried to convince him to see a doctor. The conversation was like talking to a brick wall--he turned the story around on us, claiming that our argument that he is displaying all of the classic signs of the illness and that he should see a doctor was invalid. In fact, he kept telling us that we needed to come up with a new "story," a more creative reason for him to see a doctor. To him, nothing is wrong and he does not need to see a doctor. It's fascinating to me how the mind takes over and alters a person's idea of existence. Prior to schizophrenia, this person was an extremely high functioning member of society, someone who was the creme of the crop in terms of his ideas and abilities. Now, he is hiding out in his brother's apartment and sometimes wandering to friends' homes, walking around believing that he is being followed by people in this conspiracy. This whole situation makes me sad, particularly because there is no way to rationalize with a person in this state of mind. None. They have no doubts about their own sense of existence and reality and no one and really fuck with that. In fact, during the intervention, we brought up this whole point, that most of us question our own existence and sense of reality on a daily basis. He said he did not and that he did not want to. It's impossible to screw around with that.

Screenwriting Expo

I was always somewhat cynical about the Screenwriting Expo because I thought it would be another one of these weird events where people try to give you some magical formula to make millions on your next script. I went to one writing writing seminar like this where the speaker kept talking about how his Mercedes outside proved that he had a successful writing career. He kept giving long lists like, "30 ways to create conflict." It was weird--I actually left and got my money back. But, last year, I decided to go check out the expo and I have to say, I was really impressed. Most of the speakers were working writers or university teachers, which to me is way better than some of these "guru types" who often seem like they are basically trying to make a buck off poor souls with a dream. Anyway, I checked out several speakers who I thought were impressive like Steven Barnes and Linda Cowgill. Both were excellent in terms of their discussions on character and plot, and honestly, after listening to them, I felt like I stepped up my writing game in a huge way. I have a weird mindset with the expo, I go hardcore to classes and do my thing, but I'm not really in it to network. If I see people I know, then cool, but I'm really there to just go to the classes and take advice from the teachers. This year, I'm going focusing on plot and character, my two favorite areas, and going to a number of courses related to that. I'm looking forward to it, esp since I have so many ideas cooking in my head right now! Here are some of the seminars I plan to attend:

+ Inside Story: (Part 1) -- Developing the Transformational Arc of Character by Dara Marks
+ How to Create Characters With Emotional and Psychological Depth by Rachel Ballon
+ Sequences: The Hidden Structure of Successful Screenplays by Paul Joseph Gulino
+ Myth, Magic, Metaphysics: How to Use Them in Your Stories by Pamela Jaye Smith

Pushing Harder

This week has been long and exhausting. There is so much going on between the film and teaching, that I sometimes feel like I am struggling to keep my head above the water. In addition to teaching and making Raspberry Magic, I'm also writing a new spec script which I believe has a lot of potential, and even though I'm 80 pages in and know exactly where I want the ending to go, I wish I were further along. There is so much to do, I should be working like 25 hours a day. Sometimes I look at my creative resume and wish it was longer, a lot longer. Like instead of having made three short films, I wish I had made ten. Instead of writing three really solid features I'm proud of, I wish I had five. While sometimes this mindset is dangerous for me because I fall into a slump of never being satisfied, I also believe that this mindset keeps me going, motivates me. Even with the feature, there are moments when I want to be further along. But then, when I actually stop and look back, I'm actually amazed by how much we have done. If I think about where I was at a year ago versus now, I realize... Wow, I barely knew what a business plan was last year, but now I have one for the film! It's this amazing how life is? In the moment, when things are stressful, you wonder where everything is going. Then, when you actually stop and take a breath, you realize, wow, I have made progress...

Reading!

Throughout my youth and even into my twenties, I used to read voraciously. I would constantly read novels, sometimes literature, other times the scandalous stuff like VC Andrews. I would stay up until 4am just reading and reading. Now days, I'm so tired from either teaching or writing that I just don't have the energy to read as much. Also, writing so much, my patience with novels that have wayward plots is very limited. But this week, I picked up a book, written by a former writing teacher of mine called The Year of the Fog and it is incredible. I took a writing workshop with the author, Michelle Richmond, one foggy summer in San Francisco. This was a summer when I was feeling very blue, because I felt that after having gotten my Master's degree in doc. filmmaking, that I didn't want to make docs anymore. I had always known deep down that fiction was my calling, but I wasn't sure if that meant writing short stories or writing film scripts. And, I wasn't really sure of how one pursues their dreams to write fiction. So, I was experimenting with workshops, and I came upon Michelle's. Anyway, in her class, we wrote a lot of flash fiction, or or short stories under a thousand words. I had never done this kind of writing, but I found that I had a knack for it, especially with the dialog. Some of my stories would have the group laughing so hard that they were crying. It was a strange revelation for me, as I had written many short stories in the past, but they were long (like 20 pages or more), and were basically just terrible. Anyway, Michelle was unlike most of the writing teachers I had had, she was young and beautiful and very encouraging. This class helped me build my confidence, and was great preparation for making my short, This Moment. I'm stoked for Michelle, because her novel really is excellent. Amazing language, great story, engaging characters. It's great to see her be successful!

Scene Study

So, I've been taking a scene study class just to help my directing process and it's been very interesting. I had this realization about the acting/writing/directing process the other day as several actors were working on entrance/exit exercises. In this class, the entrance/exit exercises are long, the teacher allots like ten minutes for each actor, which to me is an eternity! Anyway, a lot of the actors had a tendency to use up time by walking around the space aimlessly, or taking forever on something that would ordinarily be a simple action. For example, one guy was reading a letter which was supposed to deliver bad news. I think he spent five minutes looking at the letter and getting progressively more upset. There is nothing wrong with taking time on an action, but this was so long that it didn't make sense and even the teacher, Michelle Danner, told him there was too much lag time. In other words, the audience was totally zoning out! Anyway, the concepts in writing and acting are very similar for the stage and screen--there needs to be action motivated by a deeper reason. The reasons are usually tied to the story goals. This is where the director comes in. I totally see how actors can get bogged down with wayward action without the guidance of a director. It is a director's job to motivate all of the movements and make sure they are serving the purpose of the scene. I felt like a lot of the scenes that the actors performed from plays involved lots of walking aimlessly on stage. Very distracting and not really serving deeper goals. So, it'll be exciting as a director taking the class to guide some of the scenes and help with the blocking. It is great for me to see how the principles of creating drama are the same for all of the disciplines--motivated action is key!

Art Show!

A good friend of mine invited my husband and I to check out the LA opening for British artist Antony Micallef last night. I wasn't familiar with his work, but I had heard he was in the same category as Banksy, creating urban art with underlying messages that deal with corporate greed, media frenzy and more. I have to say, I was quite blown away by his art, especially a piece in which a little boy is coloring with crayons, and drawing a whole bunch of corporate logos. I love this idea of using corporate logos to represent the world in which we live. I integrated some visuals like this into my script called Kate's Rules because I wanted to play with this whole idea of "culture jamming." I think if the film ever got made, it would be a great leit motif. Anyway, Antony Micallef's pieces were on sale for anywhere between $150,000 to $250,000 per painting, and all of the works on the upper gallery were sold, and many in the lower gallery were also sold. Amazing that in one night he made over a million dollars off his art, his creativity! It's even more incredible because he's only 32 years old. Apparently, many celebrities have bought his art, and helped to increase its value. Going to the show made me ponder questions about art and creativity, and what makes something truly stand out. It's definitely not an easy question, but on some level it basically made me want to cloister myself at home and work way harder than I am now!

Our first check, Directing, Toronto Film Fest

Megha and I have been hustling all summer, meeting with various people about the movie. We've gotten commitments from a number of people, but there is nothing as exciting as actually receiving that first check. It's pretty cool to get a check made out to Raspberry Magic, LLC. It makes the movie seem that much more real, that much more tangible! Megha and I have been at this for less than a year, and we've def. made strides. There are moments when I want time to speed up, and make everything happen so much faster. But then when I actually look back on things, they already seem to have sped by!

On another note, Megha and I went to the Toronto FF this weekend and watched a shit load of films. We met some interesting people, as well, but we watched a ton of movies. I think it's helpful as we work on our movie to see what's out there. One thing we def. noticed was that so many of the films could have been thirty minutes shorter. It's painful sometimes at festivals to watch films that could really use another pass. We went to the North American premiere of Paul Schrader's new film, The Walker. Kind of sucked b/c the film reels were spliced together in the wrong order, and they had to stop the movie for 30 minutes to re-splice, what a pain. Good film, interesting premise, but again, it seemed like they weren't quite at the final cut stage, as some of the editing felt rough. We def. want to spend the time/money with Raspberry Magic to get an excellent editor to can really make the movie pop! We watched a ton of international films, which was nice. An amazing movie called M, though again, it really could have been shorter!

Cynicsm

It is tough sometimes, being in LA, because this is the place where people move to live and breath their dreams. It can be a very tough climb, especially for people who have been pounding the pavement really hard for anywhere from five to ten years. Whether you are acting, writing, or directing, it is easy to become cynical and feel like you are not where you want to be. I meet so many people who have a broken spirit because they have been trying for so long, and yet, nothing is happening. It is certainly not easy to deal with rejection and loss of hope. But I really and truly believe that if you are here for the right reasons, and want to practice your craft because you care deeply about it, all of those other issues slowly melt away. I'm not saying that everyone can be rich and famous, but what I am saying is that if being rich and famous is your goal, then you will be disappointed. However, if your goal is to write three really great scripts and see what happens with them, then this is doable. For me, I was unhappy with where I was at for a long time, but then, I decided to focus on just being creative and making stuff rather than on the end results. In other words, I decided that I had to find a way to make my film, while also continuing to write. This is not easy, but what I've found is that I am so busy making stuff and creating, that I really don't have time to be cynical and unhappy. It is really and truly a good feeling.

Grants

We are raising the funds for Raspberry Magic mostly through private equity. This approach seems to be the most practical, in my opinion. In the past, I have applied to many different grants, etc, but the problem with grants often is that they have a very specific agenda in terms of the projects they want, especially places like ITVS. However, this summer I went ahead and applied for the Roy Dean Grant, which provides equipment and other useful resources for low-budget films. I'm a bit hesitant about these types of things, because in the past, I really put long hours in applying for all kinds of stuff, none of which seemed to pan out. I applied to the Dean grant last year, as well, and wasn't a finalist. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to be a finalist for the grant this year. We didn't win, but Carol Dean, who is in charge, gave us many kudos on the project and was very helpful in terms of suggesting resources.

Business Plans, Distribution

It has been a fun, crazy hectic and exciting summer as I live, breath and dream Raspberry Magic. My producer and I have been working our butts off, meeting with many potential investors and getting our business plans into the hands of as many people as possible. It has been an incredible experience, because with every meeting, I feel like I learn something new, especially on the business end. Our business plan, like our script, evolves as we meet with investors and add more and more details. People ask us questions, we ponder them, then edit/change our plan accordingly and expand our process. I think many potential investors are impressed that we've thought through so many aspects of our production, but there is always room to add more. We've especially had a lot of new insight into different distribution models. Most filmmakers want the big pickup by a major studio, but that doesn't always happen. We've been learning more about service deals, where the filmmakers raise some PR money up front and then forge partnerships based having done their own PR. There are some really interesting opps. in this area as the distribution arena of indie film continues to grow/change. We are tackling all angles in terms of thinking about the distribution and how we're going to get this film out.

Shooting Something

My producer Megha and I drove an hour and a half east of here to gather some footage for a little teaser reel we're putting together. It's not a trailer, but more of a short piece that gives a feel for the tone of the movie. It was so hot that day, I really thought we were going to pass out. It also didn't help that we had a number of car woes, including my car heating up and hers breaking down on the way to my house. But all in all, we got some great photos of raspberries. I felt a bit harried the whole time b/c there was so much to think about, but it was good to get out and actually shoot something after being so focused on re-writes. I used the Panasonic DVX 100A, which is really an amazing camera. The 24p quality is awesome, and I love all the little things, like being able to use a 1/8 and 1/64 ND filter. If I shot more often, I would def. run out and purchase that little camera, it's sweet!

Acting Classes

When I was young, I was very interested in theater and took several drama classes. In college, I took a class called "Performance of Black Literature." The class was super intense, because it required a lot of time with rehearsals, and it was just tough because I am a bit shy about performing in front of people. Then, I stopped taking acting classes, and was much more focused on the technical aspects of filmmaking, especially with my writing. But lately, as I start talking to actors and moving ahead with Raspberry Magic, I decided that an acting class would be very helpful. I took an introductory course at the Larry Moss Studio. Basically, we didn't have to act, but the teacher did a lot of exercises to help us reach deeper into our emotions, and use those emotions for inciting memory. I was very impressed with the teacher, Michelle Danner, as her philosophies of filmmaking, acting and just life were inspiring. She dissected the performances of several great actors, as well, which was so helpful for me. I learned so much in one weekend. I honestly feel that acting classes can sometimes be more helpful for writers than writing classes. Though I was shy and sometimes awkward about doing the exercises (everyone around me got really into it, to the point where people were crying!), I can def. use these techniques when I'm developing new characters, and fleshing out dialog. She also showed us several ways that actors can create emotional intention with a scene. Michelle was very specific about using verbs that are really descriptive to define intention and create the different beats in a scene. I loved how she also discussed creative choices, and how actors can really pump up their performances with small things. I am thrilled at having taken the classes, and really feel like I've stepped up my game!

Making it Real

Even though we're about a year away from shooting the movie, it's pretty exciting to actually make things that have abstract for so long tangible. For example, last week, I met with a talented husband-wife duo who is very interested in acting in the movie. They've read the script and really like it. What was so cool for me was to hear their interpretations of the characters and bring their own unique take on people who've been existent only on paper for the past few years. This is one aspect of screenwriting I love; it's a living breathing and changing sort of art form where each collaborator gets to bring his/her artistic bent to the table. While I certainly have a vision of how I want the movie look and feel, I also love giving other artists a chance to create. Likewise, we are shooting a short promo for the film, and I've been talking to a DP friend of mine. He's been great in suggesting locations, cameras and the likes. It's pretty cool, again, to make something that's on the page a reality! Now we actually have to go out and shoot it!

Learning from the revisions

Writing and rewriting the same screenplay for years is a bit crazy. You start to believe that you are crazy, or that you are going crazy, as you work and re-work sections of the of it. I seriously have felt this way, especially this summer, because Raspberry Magic has gone through so many revisions. I've been spending ten hour days seriously reworking things. However, I must say, that for the first time in awhile, I feel really good about this draft. I think what was really bogging me down was actually elements from the older drafts. Sometimes, when you revise something and you have worked with so many versions of it, you leave bits and pieces in that aren't working. For me, I had one scene that made the story feel a bit like a teen film. I always wanted to cut the scene, but for some reason, I couldn't get rid of it. Then, I suddenly went back and changed one of my key characters completely. This character was an airhead, and I realized that by having her as an airhead, I wasn't serving the story in any way. And honestly, I didn't like that character very much. So, I changed her totally, and suddenly, I was able to cut the scene that was bogging things down. It was a domino effect in a very positive way. Unbelievable! It is a good thing that I'm a bit of an obsessive person, I mean, I like tedious things, and I have no problem reworking and rewriting something, even if it takes years. Writing is definitely a marathon and not a sprint, but that's something I kind of enjoy about it... Looking forward to getting notes from mentors and from my producer. I'm sure there will be more changes!

Summer

I can't believe how quickly this summer is going by. Between having visitors roll through, making serious revisions to the Raspberry Magic script and meeting with potential investors for the movie, everything seems to be going by so quickly. I wish time would slow down, sometimes! We seem to be progressing with the movie fairly well, though. Our business plan is out to many potential investors, and we've gotten interest from a bunch of people. I am actually meeting with a couple of actors this week, too. The actors have done a lot of television, and really like the script, so it might be helpful to go ahead and attach them, as this could help us with the financing. But it's so early in the game, I also want to leave my options open, too! On the writing front, I made a series of very critical revisions last week. I realize that in my own writing, cutting things out is really what helps me take the writing to the next level. With this draft, I realized that I had a lot of crap just kind of bogging down the story--especially characters that really didn't go anywhere, but were taking away from the main story. This part of the re-writing is very tough, but it's that critical round where you bring the script up from being good to great. On another note, I saw that film, The Secret Garden again last night on HBO. It's a really beautiful movie, I love how the visuals carrying the story on both a plot level an on a much deeper metaphorical level. I've been watching lots of films that are similar to mine. I really enjoyed Angels and Insects, again they did a great job of using the insects to represent deeper symbolic themes. I also saw Ulee's Gold, which I can't believe I had never seen. Again, this movie is very visually rich, with not too much dialog bogging the story down. I realized that I had too much talking in my movie. I think in my writing, I have a tendency to over write and over explain things because I'm not trusting myself and my own process. So, that was another important part of this revision process--to cut out things where I was over explaining! I've learned so much from this whole process already, it's amazing!

Research

Sometimes as a writer, it's easy to get stuck in your bedroom writing and re-writing. I am in the process of going through more revisions with Raspberry Magic, getting it to a state that I'm completely happy with, and it's tough. This is the round of revisions which really have to make the script pop. Anyway, to get some details for the story, I spent a few hours at a wonderful little nursery here in Santa Monica. In a short amount of time, I learned so much, it was amazing. I got a feel for a small neighborhood nursery like the one in my story, but most importantly, I got to be around people who love plants. I love plants, but it's a fairly new interest for me. But being around people who are extremely passionate around them was infectious. I learned so much about about the different philosophies in caring for plants. I have to keep reminding myself that as a writer, it is my job to get out and see the world, observe. This is what always drew me to writing, and I did so much research as a journalist and documentary filmmaker. But fiction writing also requires in depth research. In fact, any time you can put yourself in front of the genuine article, your writing will feel that much more authentic. Plus, it's great to get out and be around people!! Oh, and the funny thing was, Lauren Hutton was at this nursery! Apparently, she is a hardcore gardener and comes in there three times a week!

Vacation!

My husband and I spent the last two weeks traveling through Greece and Turkey to celebrate our five year wedding anniversary, and just to travel! I am a huge fan of traveling for the sake of travel, I definitely have a bad case of wanderlust, but it's tough to get out these days with work, the film, etc. After college, a friend of mine and I spent three months wandering through Asia, checking out the sites and going nuts at the Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan, Thailand, which was truly amazing. Over the past few years, I've gone to India for a few weddings, and Costa Rica, but nothing as long as that trip. This trip to Turkey and Greece was lovely, the Greece isles, especially Santorini were as picturesque as I had imagined. The clear blue waters against the sloping hills of the islands were serene. I especially enjoyed the architecture of Santorini, it almost looks like snow on top of the rocky cliffs, because of all the white churches and buildings. There are small winding streets that lead to little shops and restaurants, too! I loved the food in Greece, lots of vegetarian options like stuffed peppers and crepes with feta and spinach. We also went through Turkey and checked out Epheses, an ancient city, along with Hierapolis, with ruins that date back to the second century BC. These civilizations were very advanced with sewage through the cities and their own forms of writing. Having been through native villages in India, I pondered, how civilizations develop and what makes nomadic peoples decide to set up shop and build a city. It's fascinating--sometimes I wonder, in a thousand years, will New York be an ancient city with ruins that people come and check out? Will DC some day just be a skeleton of a place with the white gleaming pillars of Congress as a memory from a society long past? It is strange to visit a place like Hierapolis which was a beacon of ancient civilization and is now a decaying buildings that barely stand. I've always been an ardent student of history and these questions really fascinate me. After much needed rest and relaxation, I feel very focused. Time to hustle for the money to make Raspberry Magic, and get through this next spec. script I'm working on! I think summer in LA will be productive and fun!

Summer Reading!

School's out and I'm done with teaching for the semester. It' been a seriously overwhelming semester of teaching, I def. had one group this time where the collective energy of the class was off. Every time I taught the class, I felt extremely burnt out. I really didn't realize how much it was draining me until this week, now that I have a break. It's nice because I can finally concentrate really hardcore on making Raspberry Magic and working on a new spec. I was 80 pages into the spec and didn't have a chance to pick it back up with Raspberry Magic re-writes. The craziness of my feature is going to start soon because we're starting to talk to a number of investors. It's exciting and daunting and exhilarating all at once. I find myself actually enjoying the business side, it feels very much like what I should be doing! On another front, it's so great to be able to read! I haven't picked up a book for leisure in a while, and I have to say it's nice. I read a tiny little book by David Mamet called, On Directing Film, and I have to say it's one of the best books about directing that I've read. He really breaks down the process of visualization very creatively and succinctly. I'm also reading the book Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. It's going to be a movie starring Johnny Depp with Mira Nair directing. Some friends of mine were reading it while we were in India, and they were really impressed with it. It's really an excellent read, he personifies Mumbia in such a beautiful way. I tend not to be a fan of writing that's emotionally sappy or descriptively flowery, but Robert's style finds a solid balance between these elements. I can identify with a lot of his feelings about Mumbai, too, having gone there every two years or so when I was growing up and always being an outsider in some ways. It is, though, one of my favorite cities in the world. I love the dichotomy of it's splendor and poverty, of its antiquity and modernity.

Go girl!

Great, love how this energy drink which is without a doubt terrible for you, is marketing to the inner feminist in all of us! Go!

Accent or no accent?

I have no idea if other writers go through this, but being of Indian background, when I initially wrote the mother and father characters in Raspberry Magic, their voices were Indian accented. I think when people read the script, they could sense that, and it made the piece a bit funny and unique. But then in this revision, I took out that Indian accented voice, because I felt that it was bogging the script down, that I couldn't figure out the deeper sense of the characters because of the whole accent thing. But when my husband read the draft, he said he felt that the characters were too white washed, that they had lost their unique style and voice. This really stressed me out, because every person who has read the script has liked the voice of those adult characters. So now, I'm taking the characters I have and adding back that flavor. I think this is sometimes tough for writers from an ethnic background. I had an African American student in one of my writing classes whose characters were distinctly black and very unique. But then in some of the critiques, people said one of her characters was too angry, so she scaled back so much that her characters lost their voice. I told her she shouldn't lose the voice because it's what would make her writing stand out. I think it's really about finding balance--making the characters ring true, but still giving them that way of speaking with makes them stand out.

Director's Statements

My producer and I have been very hard at work putting together our business plan and budget, which is a process I was unfamiliar with before going through it. My producer is excellent at this, as she has done it for other films, and really knows what she is doing. One of the toughest parts of it for me has been the director's statement because it's got to be compelling and inspiring without being pretentious. And, it really needs to speak to why I was driven to write this story. I wrote a first pass of the director's statement a couple of months ago, then went back and revised it a couple of days ago. I think my revised version is much, much better than the earlier pass, but it's always tough. Some people might wonder, well, why is it hard to actually write down what inspired you to make this film? Well, for Raspberry Magic, I literally wrote a first draft almost five years ago. With all of the different versions and all of the anxiety of getting the script to a place where you really want it, you almost forget about that deeper inspiration that's driving you to make the film. Finally, I'm in a place where I am truly happy with the script. I am sure there will be more tweaks, but I made some more revisions, and this pass allowed me to delve into some thematic elements. In dealing with theme, I think I finally reconnected with the deeper reasons of why I have to make this film. On some level, it's a coming-of-age story about a young girl, but it's also about parents who feel alienated by their own disappointments. Once we put the website up and get all of the visual collateral together, I'll post the director's statement... I'm just glad it's finally done!!

Making a Movie

It's been a long time since I've been in the blogosphere, mostly because things in my life have been a little nutty... All in a good way. I've been working really hardcore on the basics of getting Raspberry Magic going. Finally, we found a good entertainment laywer to set up the LLC and put together the operating agreeements, and my producers and I have been hard at work on the business plan. I'm also buried deep in another set of revisions. This round is particularly tough because it's all about making those characters really pop. It's going slowly, but I've definitely made progress. Being in this process has been really exciting, it's given me a much needed sense of focus and clarity. For the first year of living in LA, and I felt unclear about what the next step was, but going through this, it's clear... The next step is to make a movie! I saw Guillermo del Toro speak at Film Independent Director's series a few weeks ago, and he was very inspiring. He mentioned how for his first feature he mortaged his home or did something crazy like that. But ultimately it's how he got his career going. I used to sit here and ponder well, should I try to make commercials, sell a commercial screenplay or try to work in TV? I would get overwhelmed with these questions, because I felt somewhat directionless. But, this path feels right. It's not going to be easy because we have a lot of money to raise, but we're taking baby steps and I know it'll come together...

The Buzz of Technology

Web 2.0 has hit us hard and it seems like there is suddenly a rush to participate in anything video or virtual community oriented. But there's a weird dichotomy with technology as I've seen this week. I teach a Digital Storytelling course at Otis College of Art and Design, I decided this semester to do it differently and integrate the virtual community Second Life into the class. In the past, it's strictly been a writing class, but this time, I thought it would be good to try something new. The ideas was that students would propose some type of community to develop in SL, and we would go from there. Well interestingly enough, after my students, all around 20 years old, spent some time in SL, they decided that it sucks. They basically told me, as a group, that they felt that the graphics in SL were far inferior to the games they play, and that SL was for old people who are afraid of the computer. Being a young prof, I actually found their complaints to be very interesting and perhaps valid. On the one hand, SL is not a game--it's a virtual community, you define the experience you have there. On the other hand, if you are not there for a specific reason, then it might be dull. And, for younger people who are extremely tech savvy, SL would probably feel a bit dated. Some folks at Otis were really surprised by the response of the students, but some were not. I've decided to go back to keeping the course writing centered because then students can focus on being creative instead of on technology. Who knew that my students (who usually hate writing) would prefer writing to SL!

On another tip, I had lunch with a friend who is trying to break into TV writing. She is mostly into comedy, but she is also working on drama specs. She is really bright woman, a hustler who has made a good number of contacts, and I have no doubt that it's going to happen for her. She's being hip pocketed by an agent at UTA, and she was saying, she's been on lots of meetings with producers and agents, and right now, the buzz is for TV writers to have a scene from their script (pilot, spec) up on YouTube. She says everyone she's met with has asked her, "So do you have a scene up on YouTube?" She said people no longer want to read specs, they just want to see something. She was feeling very overwhelmed by this because she doesn't have a camera and has never really shot anything before. But, breaking a new writer is tough enough, and now with so many people going out and making films, the competition has gotten more stiff. A good friend of mine who is staffed on a comedy had been running a pretty successful online comic strip for a long time, which I bet helped him break in. Anyway, my other friend has decided to shoot a short sketch from one of her pilots. Technology has certainly made Hollywood an even more cut throat place...

Never Ending Revisions

Screenwriting is definitely a constant process of rewriting. It takes an unusual force of stamina and patience to go through the rewriting process with a script. This is summer and even into the fall, that was all I did--rewrite two scripts that I really wanted to get out there. Now, with Raspberry Magic in the early phases of becoming a movie, there's more rewriting. I'm working with the producers to polish the script, and my mentors are also helping with more notes. Then, with my other script, Kate's Rules, more notes from friends and fellow profs. at Loyola, and luckily one manager who's been responsive to my work has also given me notes. It honestly feels like it'll never end. But it's a good place to be in, getting notes from producers, managers and people who generally seem to know what they are doing. I find, though, that most of my work in terms of rewriting is deepening characters. The plots are all fine and the general story flows, but there can always, always be more work done on character. Here are some ways I've been deepening characters:

1. Add bits of dialogue to clarify a character's perspectives on things or to even reiterate plot point. I try to keep the exposition to a minimal, but a couple of people pointed out some good places for me to add just a tad more to clarify plot.

2. Adding scenes to reveal character. Not too much of this, but a little scene here and there is helpful to reveal a character's happiness, unhappiness or general state of mind. It is particularly helpful when a character goes through a major emotional shift in terms of plot.

3. Using other characters to deepen your protagonist. Audiences learn about your character through how he/she interacts with other people. Sometimes, adding dialogue or even more interesting actions between your protagonist and other characters can really reveal a lot about your protagonist.

4. Deleting uneeded or repetitive scenes. It's always nice to cut, cut, and cut. The tighter a script can be, the better. It's always nice when people read your script and say you can delete things because they get it.

A Long Process

The problem with creative work is that it is a long and never ending process. Even writing a script, you may revise and rewrite it for five years before you actually feel happy with it. I am currently in the process of making Raspberry Magic as my first feature. I've partnered up with a couple of wonderful producers, and now am working on setting up the LLC. Once that's done, we'll start begging for money, so if there is anyone out there who wants to donate, hit me up! But seriously, my producers keep assuring me that we will make this movie, even if it takes us two years to raise the funds. But I do get impatient, sometimes lying awake at night wondering when it will happen. I get excited about all of the creative aspects--shooting, directing, working with composers, developing the title design... I want it to happen right here, right now. But see, with making a feature, you are forced to slow down. Every little piece takes time, and you have to learn to enjoy the process, step by step, moment by moment. It's better to take it slow and make sure every detail is in place, first, so when you get to the shoot, there are as few issues as possible. Presently, I've been working on finding a good entertainment lawyer. I've met with a few people, and in fact, the person I'm meeting with this afternoon looks most promising. He's done a ton of work with indie film, and his rates seem doable. The great thing about this process, though, is that my producers are very knowledgeable and have been excellent in terms of guiding me in the right direction. I guess as long as there is forward motion, the movie will get made... Eventually.

Resorts

This weekend, Ameet and I had the pleasure of going to Cancun, Mexico for a wedding, where Ameet was the official DJ. He was so stressed about the gig, he spent hours and hours burning music and preparing. Ultimately, he ended up using only a fraction of what he burned, but it's good because he's more than prepared if he DJs another wedding. It was interesting because this wedding was at an "all inclusive" resort, where you pay a certain fee, then drinks and food are unlimited. It's the kind of over indulgence Americans love, and it's no surprise that the place was full of people from the good old US of A, particularly mid-Westerners. It's strange, because people come to these resorts, and they are basically in a Western enclave, never really venturing out to see the city where the locals live. Heck, they even have a Wal-Mart right nearby. One Wisconsonite told us a story about how he got "lost" and had to take one of the local buses. He said he realized just how lucky he was when he saw how "these people" live. The whole thing made me cynical. Yes, I realize I'm American, too, and that I was a part of the problem by being at this resort, but when you leave place like Santa Monica and San Francisco, you realize how many Americans haven't really traveled out of their comfort zone, where they have to cram on buses and walk (yes walk) to get groceries. To me, going to a resort in a foreign country and never venturing out basically defeats the whole purpose of traveling. But, I guess for most Americans, it's what's safe. And safety is good.

Back in the swing of things...

Finally, it feels like things are back to normal after the holidays. Teaching again, starting a new script and working with my producers to put our business plan together for Raspberry Magic.
A lot going on, but it's good to be busy. Recently, a couple of a people from some big production companies read my work and liked it. Though they didn't buy the scripts, they were very encouraging, and asked me to send more of my material over when I'm ready. This was very good news, because I feel that basically, screenwriting, assuming that you've got the skills, is a game of luck and numbers. In other words, somebody has to really support and champion your idea to push it through. So, keeping a wide array of contacts is a good idea. It's good to be writing again, as well. I realize that when I'm not in the midst of writing something, I am restless. I feel like something in my life is missing. So, I feel a little more settled now that it's winter time and I'm moving forward creatively.

Restless energy

Every now and then, I get seriously restless with life. It's an internal yearning to do something totally new, be some place totally new, take on a new project. I am feeling that way right now, and am basically pining to make another film. Yes, I am slowly chipping away at putting my feature together, but I also want to do something in between (or make the feature now!!). Yes, I have a new screenplay to start, another one that several managers are about to read, but I just want to make something else. When I was younger, it was this restless energy that often drove me into depressive states, where I would ask Ameet what he thought the point of life was. He would often get frustrated with this line of questioning because he obviously didn't have the answer, but now days, when I get into that mode, he tells me to get to work. I guess maybe what it is is that I've had a nice couple weeks to chill, so now it's high time to get into intensive work mode. The problem with writing scripts is that at the end of the day, a script is basically a film that never got made. Yes, I learn so much each time I write a script, and it's nice to have something more, but still... At least with a film, even if it's a short, it's something you've made and can show. So, I have a couple of potential short films in the works, maybe something else for Current TV. But for now, I need to quell this hankering with my writing, and oh yes, a very stiff vodka tonic...

Old Projects...

Several years ago, I wrote/directed a short film called My Narmada Travels, about indigenous people in India losing their land to a large dam. I was fresh out of graduate school when I got a grant from the Human Rights Center at UC-Berkeley to make this piece. Originally, I planned to do something small, like maybe a web-based piece, but when I told one of the producers at Frontline World, where I was working at the time, about it, she got excited, and told me to go for it, that it could potentially air on World. She even gave me a little more money for the film. This was a very tough piece to make. Looking back on it, I can't believe my husband and I packed it up and traveled to corners of the globe where people don't have power or running water. But we did it, then Frontline said they were interested, but never really bit. I ended up writing a story for The San Francisco Chronicle about the situation, and completing the film on my own. It screened in several festivals and even won a couple of awards, but I always felt bummed that it was never really broadcast anywhere, partly because it was so rough to make, and partly because I felt that the film covered an important topic. Recently, a good friend of mine, Robin, who did the music score, encouraged me to post it on the Current TV website for a contest... Though it didn't win the contest, the producers contacted me to air the piece on TV! I can't even explain how happy I was when I heard this. Looking back, that piece was tough not only because of where we had to travel to make it, but also because I did a lot of the work on my own. In other words, while writing and researching the story, I was also learning to use FCP, dealing with audio, graphics and more. On top of all that, I made all the travel arrangements to India, and set up all of the interviews. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that around that time, I started having serious anxiety issues, and started having severe panic attacks twice a week--the first started while we were sleeping in mud huts in the village. Once we got home, I was super stressed, thousands of dollars in debt, then just plain depressed after my friend Robin blew up at me over a series of misunderstandings. Even now, prepping the film for broadcast brings up feelings of anxiety that I was having during that period. I've been so removed from the feeling, it's strange to feel everything all over again. It reminds me that for the next film I make, I really, really want to have lots of help!! In general, I am just happy that places like Current TV exist, and that they're showing the film.

Unadulterated Travel

I love the feeling of travel for the sake of travel, going places with no real agenda, except to explore and maybe visit people. Usually, I've done this kind of travel abroad, but this winter, my husband and I decided to do a little ten day east coast tour, starting in Boston and ending in Raleigh. We visited a cousin of mine up in Boston, and checked out tourist sites like Harvard Square and the MOMA. Then we made our way down to New York, and stayed with a good friend in the Village. Living in LA, I miss that gritty feeling of an old, crowded place, of tiny restaurants and bars, with shady characters lingering on street corners. Our neighborhood in lower Haight was like that--not that I can really complain about living by the beach, but sometimes you just want a little grit, and NYC was a nice little taste. After that, we did a little trip out to the NJ suburbs as well, to drop in on Ameet's cousin who just had a baby boy two weeks ago. The baby was so adorable, but man, sometimes I can't believe that we're all grown up. Ameet's cousin and her husband are in their late 20's and they've got the huge home in the suburbs, the luxury car, the perfect Pottery Barn furniture... It shouldn't be shocking to Ameet and I that this is what people do when they "grow up," but man, we're definitely a ways off from that. Anyway, then we were off to DC for a couple days with my good friend Kathy, and finally, a quick flight down to Raleigh. Coming home to my parents' place was so relaxing--I literally crashed for twelve hours... The best part was heading to the movies on Christmas day. It was awesome because it was pouring down rain, one thirty on Christmas day, and there was a huge line for tickets. Both day time shows for Dream Girls were sold out, sold out!! Beyonce is unstoppable, everything she does is gold... There was quite a ruckus for tickets... But alas, my family safely got tix for Pursuit of Happyness. A heartwarming story, but the film dragged a little in middle, the plot felt slightly repetitive, but it was good to see Will Smith break out of his action hero roles and do something deeper. We only have a couple days left here, and we'll get in some more shopping (not that I should do any more), and see a couple of friends. Overall, this trip has been the much needed break that we both needed. I'll be fully charged once we get back!

Interactive Entertainment

Technology is moving unbelievably fast these days. I used to feel like I was pretty up on things, especially because I worked as a multimedia designer for so long. But lately, everything is moving faster than I ever imagined. I knew Web 2.0 would be all about the moving image, but I never imagined it would be on cell phones and other mobile devices. I just got a Palm Treo 700p, and it's amazing. I can connect to the Net off that thing from anywhere, and it's pretty damn fast, too. The thing that fascinates me is that digital storytelling, the idea of film and gaming and merging has taken on very new forms, as well. The whole LonelyGirl15 phenomenon is interesting, though ultimately, it is a lot like television. Recently, I've been very intrigued by Second Life, a virtual world where you essentially become a character in this universe. It's fascinating, because it truly is like living a "second life." I've taught a course called "Digital Storytelling" for a few years, mostly recently at Otis College of Art and Design. In the past, I've taught it from the perspective of developing a video game script, and students essentially come up with their own ideas, and then chart out the story and write a ten page treatment. It's interesting, and the students like it because it forces them to think it ways they never have. To me, this kind of model was the essence of digital storytelling. But now, there are so many other types of inetractive storytelling, so I've decided to adjust my course a bit for next semester. I've decided to reconfigure the course and call it, "Digital Storytelling: Second Life Narratives." Instead of students developing original story ideas, we are going to build a presence in Second Life. Students will pitch ideas for the space we develop, then they will create characters who inhabit that space. There will be a hefty writing porition for the class, especially in terms of developing a backstory for their chracter. I will spend class time helping them develop their online persona and creating a life for their characters. It's very different from what I've done in the past, but it should be interesting to see how my students develop their character and what adventures they face. What's nice about teaching at an innovative school like Otis is that they encourage teachers to develop courses like this one that use technology in interesting ways. It's exciting for me, as well, because I get to play with a new technology.

Trimming the Fat

Having struggled with one particular screenplay for the past year, I was terribly frustrated with myself. And while my writer friends and even Ameet told me to let the damn thing go, I just couldn't--that's just how I am when I get something in my head. I'd write and rewrite this script and go in circles in terms of the plot. Nothing I did seemed to make any sense, and I was getting very bogged down in complicated plots and too many characters. I did put it away for a couple months, and then suddenly, something just clicked with it. I don't know what it was, but it just came together. I decided to dig deeper into the emotion, and simplify the plot. I also went through and got rid of every, single character that didn't make sense or that I didn't need. I actually found it much easier to write the damn thing, because I didn't have so many characters to focus on. I worked it and worked it, and finally got to a point where I felt at peace with it. I hardly ever feel this way, but for some reason, I was like, it's done. I know it. Then I had a script reader give me notes, and lo and behold, all my fruits of labor paid off--they said that it was a well written, clear and interesting script. Even my husband, who started looking at me funny every time I mentioned this script, like I was crazy and just really needed to let it go, read it and thought it was good. I have to say that was the best feeling ever. After toiling for something for so long, I finally feel excited to hand it off to two managers who liked one of my other scripts, but wanted to see something more commercial. It's exciting to feel good about something I've written!

What a moron...

I was enjoying a lovely Santa Monica Saturday by biking to the library then grabbing some lunch at The Real Food Daily. While I was sitting outside waiting for a table, I was reading James Ellroy's The Black Dahlia, mostly because I've been meaning to read it forever, and because I am on a kick to read novels that have been translated into films. I was minding my own business, when these two older men glanced at me and chuckled, then one of them asked, "Why is a nice girl like you reading such a dark book?" I was somewhat confounded by the question, because it struck me as one of those "Why is the sky blue?" kind of questions. Or, this guy was just being sexist because he felt that I should be reading a romance novel or something. Anyway, I said, "Because James Elloy is an incredible writer." The guy was even more shocked, because I think he was expecting me to sound much younger than I am, which happens often, because I do look younger than I am. Anyway, he laughed again, and said, "Wow, most of the women I know only read books with pictures in them." I have no idea what kind of women this dude hangs out with, but apparently not ones who read. What a moron.

Screenwriting Lessons

I've been writing screenplays and making short films for several years now, and I will say that screenwriting, to me, is one of the toughest forms of writing. Having worked as a print journalist prior to writing screenplays, I always felt like making the switch shouldn't be too bad, but it was tough for me. I finally feel like I've gotten over a hump with some things, and have some very important lessons about the writing process that I think would have been helpful for me years ago. Here they are:

1. Externalize it. Sounds basic, but every form of conflict and emotion in a screenplay has to be shown visually and through externally created circumstances. In a novel or even journalistic piece, you can tell the reader what is happening inside a character's head through a quote or description, but in a script, there must be an external situation that moves the story forward. I find that sometimes in my scripts, when people read them and don't understand why a character feels a certain way, it's because I haven't shown it through an external situation.

2. Use research selectively. Maybe it's my detail oriented mind, but when I'm working on an idea, I like to get into the world and really research every little piece of it. For example, I'm writing something with a computer worm in it now, and I researched the topic to death and knew exactly how a computer worm worked. At first, my inclination was to put every bit from my research into the script, but readers told me they were confused, and bogged down by the details. When I went back in and did a rewrite, I took out much of the info and used it selectively, and I think it's working much better.

3. Use plot as a way to bring about emotion. I think each writer has his/her strength and some are good with plot and some with characters. For me, it was always been characters. Plotting always stressed me out to the millionth degree, and I was definitely getting bogged down with creating plots that were simply one situation after another. I was facing this issue with my tech oriented script, and I finally realized that I was so caught up in the technology and what happened with each step, that I was forgetting that plot is really a device to bring about emotion, a way for characters to interact. It was actually to the point where I wasn't even enjoying writing anymore, and when I stepped away, I realized because I wasn't doing what I love--getting into the emotions.

4. Plans, plots and actions should be simple yet symbolic. This sort of goes along with the previous point, but I used to get caught up in circular thinking with the plot, because I would make it so confusing that even I couldn't understand what was going on. I would find myself overthinking the "plans" or things the characters are going to do to the point where I was confused with my own idea. For example, with the revenge plot in my new script, I had the characters doing all kinds of complicated things to get back at their horrible boss. But those plans weren't really representative of a deeper theme or need. Now, I realize that it's important for the plan to be simple, yet symbolic of the deeper thematic ideas in the movie, rather than complicated simply for the sake of it. In other words, if revenge is about justice, then that plan should be to serve justice.

5. Take time to set up the character's world prior to the inciting incident. I'm not saying that you should spend 50 pages setting up the character's world, but for some reason, I was getting into the habit of just getting right into the conflict by page 5, and people who read my script weren't getting it. I realized with my new script that people didn't know my character well enough to really get into her conflict. In other words, if your story is about a straight laced girl becoming a rebel, then we need to see her being straight laced for enough time to understand just how important her transformation is. As much as all the writing gurus say that it's critical to set up the conflict fast, I've found that most Hollywood films do a thorough job of setting up the world, first.

6. Brainstorm themes early on. You may not know exactly what your theme is when you start a story, but for me, it helps to come up with a list of ideas. Theme, to me, is the point, or what you are trying to say about the world with your film. I guess not all films have to have a deeper meaning, but for me, this is the reason why I like to write--I have a perspective on the world and I want to share it with you. So, if I'm aware of exactly what that perspective is, my writing is likely to be stronger.

He Called Me a Wetback

So, today I was on that misery of a road, Lincoln Blvd., trying to take a left turn into a gas station. After a minute or two, I realized that this left turn wasn't going to happen one, because traffic was terrible and two, people behind me starting honking. I got it. Abort mission. Then, as I'm sitting there about to figure out an alternate strategy, this old guy in a pickup truck, oncoming from straight ahead, flies past me with his window wide open and sticks his head out and shouts, "You can't do that, you fucking wetback." For a moment, I was utterly shocked, then truthfully, a little frightened. It's been awhile since someone yelled a racial slur at me, and yes, I'm no stranger to this having grown up in North Carolina. I've been called a sand niger, a niger, a terrorist, a cow worshipper and the likes, but wetback was a new one. I wished I could have told that fat, old white dude what an ignorant fuck he was, but of course, that kind of satisfaction will only play over and over again in my dreams. Or better yet, in a screenplay. At least he could have used the right slur if he was going to go at it, right? Sometimes I forget that people like this guy exist, especially living amongst my very liberal enclave of friends who come from many corners of the world. I even remember, when I was making my short film, This Moment, about an interracial marriage, one of my friends asked me, do people even care about race any more? Is this even a relevant topic? Yes Kameron, wherever you are, it apparently is.

LA Reflections

I've officially been living in LA for a year, which is hard to believe. I have to say, for the first year, I felt intimidated by everything here, like the films I had made didn't mean anything, like nothing was going anywhere. Maybe it was because my mother had a horrible accident right when I got here, and maybe because moving is just hard. But I think the root of my problem was figuring out what was next for me--did I spend time making yet another short, or did I move on to a feature? It's hard being here because there is so much happening, that you really have to be clear on your objectives. And, on some level, everyone is dealing with the uncertainties of this business. Last year, making a feature truly seemed overwhelming. Now, I'm in a different spot entirely. It was all a mental thing--this summer, I decided to just stop spinning my wheels and go for the feature. I worked really hard re-writing Raspberry Magic, and it's much tighter and cleaner. In fact, I now have producer on board who really believes in the script, and we're going to make it as a low budget indie. It's going to be a challenge to make it happen, but the wheels are turning, and I know it will happen, with a lot of patience and hard work! As for LA, it can be a tough place, but I love the energy here. You meet so many motivated people, people with dreams who are just going for it. It's pretty exciting.

Screenwriting Expo

I've always been resistant to attending the Screenwriting Expo, because it just always seemed like another one of these cheezy events where the "gurus" give you purported shortcuts for great storytelling. I once sat in on a David S. Freeman seminar, and found it to be somewhat ridiculous. It's like, 36 plot points, 29 character types--I walked out because it was just over the top. The Screenwriting Expo had the potential to be just as lame, so I resisted going for years. But I decided to go this year, and I have to say that I was quite impressed. I think it's all about which speakers you choose to see, and I think that this time, I made some good choices. Steven Barnes blew me away with his discussion of characters--he uses a lot of yoga principles and Eastern philosophy to delve into character motivation and types. In general, he just has some wonderful ways of looking at human psychology, something that interests me a great deal. I've been reading some psychology books lately, and it's so funny because my freshman year of college, I was either going to major in English or psychology--I guess things come full circle. Anyway, I also saw Linda Cowgill speak, and her discussion of plot problems/issues was so, so, so helpful. She goes through a number of common plot problems and how to solve them. I think what really sets the pros apart from the amateurs is flawless plotting--a story that moves forward without getting bogged down in details and events that are implausible. She gave a great list of things to do to clean up plot. I also checked out Michael Ardnt, the writer of Little Miss Sunshine. He did a really excellent dissection of what makes a great movie ending--his discussion was also quite helpful to me. I feel like beginnings are my strong point, but endings, ugh. Overall, I took away a lot, so now, back to writing! It's great because Raspberry Magic is out to a number of people, and it's always so great to hear what people have to say. Everyone's opinions differ so much, but ultimately, it's up to me to decide exactly how I want that story to go.

Old Friends, A Sappy Tribute

My college years were the best of times and the worst of times, as I'm sure is the case with many people. I met my husband, Ameet at the ripe age of eighteen and my very close friends Robin and Neelesh. I didn't grow up with any family besides my parents and sister in this country, and though my parents had friends in the community, there was always a distance that pervaded those relationships. I always felt this strange tinge of sadness when we'd go traveling during the holidays, just the four of us, because it always felt like something was missing, like it was just us in the world. The worst part was that inevitably, my parents would get into some horrible fight, and things would go from being already stressful to even worse. I think this is why my sister and I are so close, because we often had to learn to function in a home with lots of love, but an air of unhappiness. But as I've gotten older, I've been very lucky to develop a close bond with so many friends--friends who I could call in the best or worst of times. I think Robin, Neelesh, Ameet and I have supported each other through some crazy times in San Francisco. We've seen each other go through layoffs, and breakups, addictions and debts. Inevitably, we've had lots of fun and lots of memories. But in the end, I think having those memories it's what's most important. This is an old photo of us looking very constipated, going to a wedding.

Living in a Digital World

With digital photography being so prevalent these days, I often wonder how well we'll store photos to document the past. For example, this is me and my 1-year-old niece--so adorable! But seriously, when she's 30 or even 15, will I still have this picture to show her? I can barely keep track of my important files, much less all of the photos we constantly download on our computers. And to top it off, it seems like every three years, there is a new computer, new drive, etc. in the picture. I love old photos, like this black and white of my parents' wedding. It's pasted so neatly in one of those wonderful old albums with the wax paper. There's something really refreshing about crackling old photos in the sepia tones of the 1970's. Even if we back up all our pictures onto a CD, how will we look at those twenty years from now? It's an interesting quandry, but I'm sure some genius out there is working on a solution.

Putting myself out there...

I've felt a bit nervous about putting myself out there and letting people know that I want to make a feature film. My last short was so stressful on so many levels, I've been a little scared to go for it, in all honesty. But sometimes, you just have to take the plunge and dive in. Over the past few weeks, I've really put it out there that I want to make my feature Raspberry Magic happen, and it's been so touching because so many of my friends, family members and other contacts in the film biz have been encouraging and supportive. So there it is. My goal is to shoot Raspberry Magic next summer for around $500,000. It's time to make it happen! In other news, I am in NC this weekend, screening my short film, This Moment as part of the Diaspora Festival of Black and Independent Film. The Sonja Haynes Stone Center flew me out here, and I was on WUNC to discuss my film. Being a Carolina alum and coming back to screen my work is an honor.

Big Pimpin' in Veggie Oil

Ameet and I were in the market for a second set of wheels after we moved to LA, and decided to buy a car that runs, yes, on vegetable oil. I'll admit that I was skeptical at first, mostly because I could just picture Ameet turning our garage into some kind of crazy conversion factory, full of disgusting drums of oozing veggie oil. (I won't even go there with our last attic.) But, I was charmed by the idea, and also it was our teeny tiny way of protesting against the oil goliaths. Anyway, it's a '78 Mercedes, and you fill it up with new or used veggie oil. It runs like a normal car, except that it seriously smells like French fries, which can sometimes get a little overwhelming. You can get (by asking them) used oil from restaurants (that's kind of a process), or the cubes from Costco, which is what we've been doing, and it comes out to around $2.50/gallon. We signed up for this car around eight months ago, and it took a long six to get it. The people who did it, Lovecraft Biofuels, basically rebuilt the insides of the car, and touched up the outside. They are an eclectic mix of folks who are very passionate about what they're doing, which is great to see. The thing with the car is that it feels like a boat when you drive--the steering wheel is huge, and you have to push the gas pretty hard for it to go. But that's just what's it's like to drive an old car. It's an interesting experiment in alternative energy, and we're loving it so far. Lovecraft has seriously blown up in the past few months; there is a waitlist to get one of these cars now, though you can bring your diesel car in for a conversion. Ameet thought it would be funny to take these pictures and show how LA's been rubbing off on us.