4.11.2008

A Very Short Story

This a funny little short piece I wrote recently. I don't think anyone else thinks it's funny except for me, but hey, sometimes we have to humor ourselves, right? I submitted it to a couple of flash fiction publications, but they all said no. One editor told me he thought it was just plain weird. Anyway, here it is:

French Fries Cause Greenhouse Gases

Last Tuesday morning on the way to Stockton, I had an urge for the perfect mix of potato and salt and oil and ketchup in a bottomless pit of red and yellow cardboard. Supersized. I let up on the gas and gave my right signal as the desert sun set, ready to take exit one fifty six. But then I crept past it, without ever even moving into the far lane. Instead, I waited for an exit number that was divisible by seven. Seven times twenty equals one forty: gone. Seven times seventy-seven equals one eighty-nine: safe. Also, enough time to consider the facts: The fries contain beef seasoning. Beef seasoning comes from cows. Cows cause greenhouse gases. Greenhouse gases contribute to global warming. I am perpetuating world misery and denigration. But are salt-and-potatoes-and-beef seasoning really detrimental? I wiped my sweaty palms on my lap, drifting into the center of the road. Suddenly, I heard a loud and sustained horn “BLEEEEEEEEET.” I immediately swerved to the left. I glanced out my window as a truck driver with wild curly hair pressed his middle finger against the glass. My hands shook as I took exit 167 for a reputable sandwich joint.

1 comment:

Andres said...

I actually liked and thought it was funny. I felt like I could really see the paranoid but not totally abnormal person. When you are in the car driving, especially on long drives, you get these random thoughts in your head that jump all over the place. They happen in a matter of seconds but it would take minutes, maybe hours to explain the chaos of your thoughts that while weird to others are perfectly sane to you.