Seven Things About Me

In the spirit of Writer Dad, Screenwriting Manifesto and UNK, a few of my favorite writer blogs at present, I'm doing the whole, "Six/Seven Things About Me" Exercise, so here it goes:

1. I am a compulsive walker. After a long day of writing, I like nothing more than taking a long, long walk. Sometimes, on a Saturday morning, I’ll put on my tennis shoes and walk for three to four hours. I can walk anywhere—in the city, in the country, by the beach, by the desert. I love city hikes and just getting lost in a neighborhood I’ve never been to, or I love stumbling upon a beautiful beach cove I didn’t know about. I find walking to be more meditative than yoga, more relaxing than a massage and more adventurous than sky diving (okay, maybe not).

2. I look really young. I am in my early 30’s, but people often mistake me for being 20. I even got carded for buying a red bull once!! The lady at the check out stand was like, you’re way too young to be buying that, I need to see some ID! Geez. It used to bother me a lot, because people would ask me with such contempt, like, “how old are you, anyway?” I mean, this happens in professional settings at times, especially as a professor. Sometimes, students will look at me and ask, “you’re the professor?” But then, once I start talking, they know the answer to that one!

3. My friends call me 90 pounds of fury. When I have an opinion about something, I sort of let it out. I never realized this about myself, until a friend of mine was like, “you’re such an intense person.” I think it’s not only that I’m pretty expressive, it’s also that I tend to be pretty hard core about the things I take on. Like when I say I’m making Raspberry Magic, I really mean it!! It’s hard for me to in between, like do something and not care about it. I’ve also been known to get pretty rowdy and wild after a drink or two, and have gotten kicked out of my share of bars!

4. I hated Indian food when I was growing up. Seriously, my mother made Indian food everyday when I was growing up—roti, daal, a different vegetable. I don’t think I ever ate daal once when I was growing up, but now I could eat it everyday. I especially love any kind of beans like black lentils, etc. I’m not the best and most proficient cook on the planet, but this summer has been all about experimenting with the pressure cooker and learning how to make all those great beans I love so much. The whole Indian woman being able to cook well is such a cliché, and I feel totally insecure that I can’t rock it. But, I’ll get there...

5. I never dated in high school and I didn’t go to the prom. I was socially awkward in high school, for sure, and dating only seemed like something all the blond cheerleader girls did. My senior year, I made out a little, and I went to one dance, but that was it. But of course, I met my husband my freshman year of college, and we dated for almost ten years before we got married!

6. For all of my fury, I can be pretty introverted. Socializing feels overwhelming to me. My husband used to be a total social butterfly when we lived in SF, and I always found myself freaking out. He finds it really odd that I can work alone in our house for hours and hours, without talking to anyone, but I like it. It would be hard for me to work any other way.

7. I won a writing contest at the age of sixteen that changed my life. Growing up, I was compulsive reader, to the point where I often didn’t do my work or even listen to my teachers in school. Instead, I would read. Not War and Peace all the time either, but a lot of trashy romance novels and my share of VC Andrews novels. Anyway, I was a good student, but never a stellar one like my sister (now a doctor) and all of the other Indian kids I knew. Anyway, I believe all of that reading eventually helped me, because a high school teacher of mine asked to be on the newspaper staff my sophomore year. Until then, I was all about drama club, but writing, hell yeah! I had been writing all my life, like journals, poems, short stories and more, but being the on the newspaper staff helped me see my work in print. This same teacher encouraged me to enter an essay contest sponsored by Parade Magazine, which I ended up winning. The topic was something patriotic about the real America and JFK's dream. For the first time in my life, I realized that I could be good at something. Until this point, my sister was the super star of the family with her straight A's and gymnastics. It took me many years after this to dedicate and really decide that I wanted to go down the path of a pro writer, but this contest opened up the door for me to write for my college papers, then later freelance for news publications and much more. Writing was something I always did and will do, but I believe this contest helped push me forward in a new way. It was a defining moment!

I tag--anyone who reads this and hasn't done it already. It's kinda fun!!

Why Create?

Someone once asked me, what's the purpose of being a filmmaker, a writer or a creative person if it's so damn hard? Why not just get a normal job like everyone else? Or, this same person, when I mentioned how tough this process was, said something to the effect of, well, you chose this path. This may sound absurd to some people, but that's not really true. As a creative person, I truly believe that the desire for the need to create chose me. In other words, it came from something deeper within. Every single one of us has this instinct inside of us when we are young, but as we grow older, society tells us to put that desire, that need away. Some people listen, some people don't. For those of us who choose this creative path, it is more than simply a career choice, it is a deeper calling, one that beckons us to finds a means of expression. My theory in life that there people are driven two things: money or the need to be heard. Not that the two things are mutually exclusive, but some of us just want our ideas and thoughts to be heard more than anything else. It's what drives us, it's what makes us get up in the morning. For me, I have so many story ideas that I could sit here and write for fifty hours straight, and still I would not be able to get enough done. It's like, the stories, the ideas and the need to put them on paper are a compulsion, almost like need for food. Someone once asked me, how do you have the time to write? Well, to me that question is sort of like, how do you have time to breath? I don't know, it's just something I do. Even if I wasn't so worried these days about where everything is going and how it's all going to turn out, I am sure I would still keep writing no matter what. Sometimes, all of the rejection, stress and no's from people in the world put me in a total funk. But at the end of the day, when I sit down to create something, that's really the best feeling of all...

New Web Site

I've been pondering it for some time, but a mentor of mine put the fire under my ass to re-design my personal site. I've got some exciting meetings coming up, and she as well as several people suggested that I put together more of a portfolio site outlining my work. Not as design/graphics oriented as the old site, but lots of information. Check it out: http://www.leenapendharkar.com

Going In Circles

For the past eight months or so, I've been working on a new script. The piece started as one thing, and I literally went in big, huge circles writing and rewriting it. My thought process on what it was going to be/how it would read was totally jumbled, and a couple of people who read it were like, what the hell is this? After my last draft in May, I was truly ready to kill myself with this piece. For me, when I've been writing something for so long, I get attached, and I hate, hate, hate burying it and just saying this isn't working. It makes me feel like the world is ending. Literally. After all, I went in circles on Raspberry Magic for over four years. Anyway, my husband read the draft of my new work back in May and was like, you really need to put this thing away. But I refused. We had a Saturday afternoon where I was pretty depressed, and basically felt like I was the biggest idiot/worst writer on the planet. Anyway, out of all that misery came a huge light bulb moment in terms of the film's overall concept. My husband talked it out with me, and really helped me clarify my thought process. Suddenly, I realized why I was going in circles. I was writing the story from the wrong character's point of view. It was impossible to tale tell the tale this way. Over the past eight weeks or so, I've been re-writing this piece with the new (and clarified) concept. This eight week process has been kind of grueling because there are several plot points which have been very tough to hash out. One thing in particular, was driving me crazy. But finally, finally after a few really long and hard weeks, the ideas are all on the page, and it makes sense. The script is no where close to being done, but damn, the ideas are finally on the page... Now come the long, hard hours of revisions, polishes and more rewriting... Damn, I love this shit!

Simple Pleasures

I've been feeling slightly blah about the film because while we have raised a chunk of financing, we still have more to go. We have lots of leads, but it's slow in terms of things biting. I know the tide will turn, but sometimes, you truly feel like you are hitting your head against the wall, which sucks, of course. Today, I was having one of those "life sucks" moments, basically because I was feeling like nothing would ever move forward... And then, a very small moment brightened my day... Daal. Yes, seems a little silly, but I've made daal several different ways over the years and it never seems to taste, quite right. But this summer, I've discovered a nifty tool called a pressure cooker. My mom's been telling me to use it for years, but I never did until this past summer when my friend's mother showed me how to use it. And guess what? I made daal with it today and it came out to be heavenly. The perfect texture and taste, truly making me feel like anything is possible. Small moments, indeed...

On a completely different note, The East Bay Express did a story about Indian films being made in the East Bay, and there's a small bit about us in it. Here's the story:
Namastey East Bay

From Script to Screen

Last week, Megha and I spent four very long and intense days scouting locations in Marin, Oakland and then Humboldt County. Raspberry Magic takes place in Oregon, but on our low budget, it would be tough to actually shoot it in Oregon. So, we've been pondering corners of the Bay area which would work well for the story, and have decided on several places that we really like. Having spent years (and years) writing this screenplay and developing the sense of place in it, it's so interesting to take something that's in your head, like a magical forest, then make it real. For example, we checked out several Redwood forests, and then when we went up to Humboldt, there was also an amazing Sequoia forest. The challenge in all of this is finding locations that I pictured, but also keeping it practical so the shoot is as tight as possible. In that vein, I truly like the magic of the Humboldt County forest/trees, but then if we're just staging a small corridor to feel magical, do we really need to move the entire cast/crew up to Humboldt? We're lucky on this film because there really aren't many locations, so if we can find them all in one small area (which I believe we did), then we'll save lots of money, and can really concentrate/focus on getting excellent performances, which is most important to me, along with the overall visual look/feel. We feel pretty lucky because there is an amazing spirit around indie film in the Bay area that will really and truly help us as we hire cast and crew, and just generally make the film happen!

Fortuna, CA

What the hell is an "Oriental Buffet," and what are these 120 items they speak of???

What I've Been Up To

I can't believe it's already mid-summer, time seems to be going so fast these days. Usually in the summer, I teach a class or two and have various projects I've working on in terms of freelance work, whether it's writing or in the video/multimedia realm. But this summer, I decided to take a break from those things and instead focus on writing and making this film happen. Time seems to be going so fast, but here is what I've been up to:

Writing: I'm always writing new material and have like the next five scripts I want to put together in mind. But currently, I've got a political piece I've been obsessed with. I think it's a great concept with a lot of potential, but I'm stuck on certain things, and have been spending long hours on re-writing certain sections. Ughh, if only my mental process would align and the fog of questions would clear. I think it will after this nice little 4th of July holiday I've just had.

Filmmaking: I have a singular, all-consuming goal right now, which is to make Raspberry Magic before the year is out. Here is where we are at:

Financing: We have raised a pretty nice chunk of our financing, but we have a little more to go. We have been meeting with people and hustling pretty hard to make it all come together, but raising money is no easy process. We're getting there, slowly but surely.

Locations: Next week, we're going on a locations scouting trip all week. We're checking out the Bay area and Humbolt and doing a cost-benefit analysis on where it's going to be better to shoot. I'm especially excited about Marin, the scout up there really seems to know what she is doing.

Casting: We have some interesting attachments set up for the adult cast, but the kids are the tricky part. We've been reading some fantastic young girls lately, and are hoping to pin the right one down before the summer is out. Casting kids is a very interesting process, but I'll talk more about that soon enough. We've def. been meeting some very, cute kids, though!

The Raspberries are Growing!

As some of you may/may not know, I planted a couple of raspberry bushes in my backyard last summer, as sort of an experiment. As a writer, I often find it extremely helpful to put myself in the same scenarios as my characters, and as some of you might know, the protagonist in Raspberry Magic is attempting to grow raspberry bushes by nurturing them. Anyway, the dry, hot climate of Southern California isn't exactly ideal for raspberries, but I thought I would try it out, anyway. To be honest, I didn't do much to take care of them. I mean, I watered them here and there, and trimmed them a couple of times, but not much else. A couple of months ago, some of the leaves on the bushes were looking pretty sad and worn out, so I had basically given up on the bushes. But with spring I noticed one stem looking a bit better, more alive. Then lo and behold, a couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out in my backyard, and I noticed--

Raspberries!

Yes, they were ripe, red and shiny in the summer sunlight. I truly couldn't believe it. It's a sign... Time to make the movie!!

Casting Call for Young South Asian Girls

So... The wheels are certainly turning on our movie, which as always, is nerve racking and exciting. We are going up to NorCal to do a scout trip in a couple of weeks, and we've also been looking at some young South Asian girls to play the roles of Monica and Gina. Monica is 11, and somewhat of a shy, reserved young girl. She's wise beyond her years, and expresses herself through her actions and emotions most of the time, rather than her words. This is a tough role for a child actor, but there is plenty of talent out there, I know. The other main character, Gina, is 8. She's sort of spunky and funky, a little more wild and outgoing than Monica. We've been reading some young girls, but if you know of anyone we should look at, let me know or send me a head shot! Auditioning kids isn't easy, but we do a combo of some imaginary/improv. scenes, then a bit of actual scene reading. I'm not necc. looking for show biz kids (but parents who are okay with the show biz thing are a must), though we've read a couple. Most important are kids with a wild imagination and who make interesting choices in the given scenarios. That's really the crux of acting, isn't it?

Inspiring Evening

Through the process of making this movie, my producer Megha and I have had the opportunity to meet and see so many interesting, inspiring and sometimes even unusual people. Last night, we were invited to a dinner where heavy weight producer Ashok Amitraj spoke. He's quite an accomplished producer, made many films that have done well. It was really inspiring to hear him talk about his start in the film business, because he basically said that even though he was a well-known tennis player, he knocked on doors for five years until he had a few development deals with the studios. But even with the deals, he worked super hard to get scripts written and put ideas in front of the studios and still nothing after so many years. Finally, after doing this, he basically said fuck it, and raised $500K through private equity investors and made a freaking movie. That movie, even though it was small, opened doors for more movies. He talked so much about knocking down doors, getting them slammed in your face and keeping on. This is exactly what Megha and I have been doing over the past few years to get Raspberry Magic made. We've talked to so many people about investing, basically leaving no stone unturned on every, single level. It is hard, grueling work, not for those who give up easily or who are easily discouraged. I've def. had many moments of being down, wondering how in the world can we do this. But my belief in this movie, partnership with Megha and the support of so many people really keeps me going. It was nice to hear Mr. Amitraj say that he's been down the same road.

Locations, Planning the Shoot

So, we've been slowly but surely moving along with the movie. It's been nice, because we've had a few investors sign on this month, and a few more are coming. We're still not there yet, but getting closer and still on track to shoot this fall. Some advice another filmmaker friend of mine gave me is to set the date, then just proceed as if it's happening. I think there is a lot of truth to that, because when you just say you're doing it, things really do come together. So, Megha and I have been moving forward, and one of our very big tasks right now is to figure out where exactly we are shooting this film. We've been really big on Humboldt, and we are planning a scout trip up there in July. But, sometimes we also think the Bay area might work well. This is because we have a lot of help in the Bay, meaning lots of friends and family who can come on the set with whatever we need, plus I know a lot of crew people up there who would help out. In Humboldt, we have some great potential for locations, a hotel that we can use for very low cost, but the tricky part is bringing crew and gear up there without burning through our money. So, we're basically going to just head up there and figure this all out. I'm excited because now we're getting into really doing the nitty gritty stuff, but the uncertainty of raising all of the money is always looming. I feel like shooting the movie will be a great challenge, something I'm really looking forward to. It's a very different kind of challenge than raising money.

Summer Movies

I've seen a good number of films this summer (so far), and here are some thoughts about them:

The Visitor: Incredible follow up from Thomas McCarthy to his debut film, The Station Agent. The Visitor is truly a beautiful film, sort of the crux of what I consider to be a good story told in a visual medium. And it's just a great work of art, really makes you think. I won't give too much away, but brilliant performances from all of the actors, great overall themes about lost and lonely souls finding connection with one another. Also, really poignant and complex insights about the immigration debacle. Loved it, hope it opens up in theaters everywhere.

Son of Rambo: Written and directed by Garth Jenkins who did Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Really hilarious film, great special effects, and surprisingly, a real tear jerker, ending. Also, I love the sweet 80's sound track, def. reminds me of growing up. Great job in exploring the complex lives of kids in a universal way.

Iron Man: I enjoyed this film, it was a great look at how Iron Man becomes who he does, and I thought that Robert Downey's performance was excellent. It was also nice to see Gwyneth Paltrow back on the big screen. I felt like some of the action sequences dragged, but overall very good. One of my favorite super hero films of all time is Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins. This one didn't quite live up to that, but still very enjoyable.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: I couldn't resist seeing this one, after all, I grew up like any other American kid of 80's, watching all of these films. I found the plot in this movie to be lacking the complexity and intrigue from the past versions, and I also felt that much of the action dragged and wasn't motivated by larger/deeper goals and questions. I thought Cate B. (always a stunner) stole the show, but overall, felt a little bored by this movie. Come on David Koepp, for all the millions you got paid to write this thing, you couldn't have given us a couple more plot twists?

Sex in the City: Yes, I was on a girl's weekend far away in the woods of Russian River, and we couldn't resist checking this movie out. I loved the show back in the day, mostly because the humor was great! But this movie was pure cheese. Implausible plots, scant character development and way too much shameless promotion for designers that most women could care less about. They were even missing the witty, biting humor of the TV show. As my friend said afterwards, we all felt pretty gross from even watching it. But hey, at least it was with friends!!

Writer's/Programmer's Block

I'm sure that writer's block manifests itself in many different ways, sometimes even in the way of just not getting started. But for me, writer's block is usually what I call a logic problem, meaning that in a story, you're trying to get from point A to point B in a logical, creative and interesting way, but can't figure out what that way is. You think and think, make lists and brainstorm ideas, but nothing comes. To me, writing is a lot like those "logic games" you have to take on the GRE. The kind where you have four friends, four foods and four boyfriends and you're given a set of clues to piece everything together. Never really my forte, but all of this writing I do has certainly pushed my skills in thinking this way. The interesting thing is, my husband is a flash developer, meaning he programs and does design work, but we often have long talks about how writing and programming are so similar. There are differences of course, but there is a certain kind of thinking that pervades these realms, this kind of "symbolic logic" if you will. And just like writers, programmers get blocked, too. Sometimes, my husband is stuck on a problem for days, like how do you build a particular system and make everything work the way you want it to? I go through the same, exact thing, and honestly, when I'm blocked or having a logic flow issue, he is a really good person to discuss my train of thought with. But it's hard for me to help in the opposite way because I don't know the language of Flash. My husband has had bad insomnia over the past few days because he is stuck on a logic problem that is really tough. He even stayed home one day to sit in quiet and work through this issue. I'm sure it'll come as it usually does suddenly when you're cooking dinner or gardening, but the process of getting there can be kind of rough.

Writing is a Process

I've been working on a new screenplay, one which I think has serious commercial potential over the past few months. I started going down one road, then five months into it, I went down a completely different road. That frustrates me to no end, and there was a moment when I thought that maybe I should just forget about the whole thing. But the problem is, this new path was incredibly compelling and everyone I pitched it to was much more excited by it with the new twist rather than the old. Grrr. So, I took a break for a couple of weeks because I was feeling extremely burnt out with everything, then came back to it with a fresh eye. It is getting there, and I blazed through revisions of the middle sixty pages last week, but now goes the hard part which is the ironing out of the ideas and really polishing them. I drive myself a little crazy with my writing process, meaning, that I often find the story as I'm moving along, so the direction changes. This somewhat of a pain, but I found that this is the method that works for me. I used to try to outline and write histories, and blah blah, but now, instead, I sort of come up with a few plot points, and I typically know the beginning and end, then I start writing. Then I'll come up with histories as I go along. What a process, but I feel myself improving and growing with every new screenplay. Now I need to get back to this draft and really make it pop!

A New Wave of Films

It's definitely an interesting time to be an indie filmmaker as technology and other aspects of making movies become less expensive and more accessible to people. In recent years, we've seen a proliferation of indie films, which makes the market/field that much more competitive, but at the same time, it means that story is king. What's really interesting is that right now, there are a host of Indian American filmmakers like myself making movies in this low budget range. There are so many that have been made in the past years, it's becoming a whole new genre in some ways. I think we're seeing this because as first generation immigrant children like myself grow up, they want to share their perspective and point of view. I'm def. supportive of all these films, and I'm pretty good friends with some of my fellow filmmakers. It's fascinating how all of these new voices are getting out there, I often wonder how all of it will play out in the next ten years. In the mean time, here are some of the movies coming out or in the works:

Kissing Cousins, A romantic comedy by Amyn Kaderali
I know these guys, meaning the director and producers really well. Romantic comedies can sometimes be a tough sell on the indie scene, but this film is picking up steam as it travels the festival circuit.

Karma Calling, A comedy by Sarba Das
I haven't seen this one yet, but I know Sarba's been working really hard on it. It looks funny and poignant, can't wait to check it out.

Ocean of Pearls A drama by Sarab Singh Neelam
A drama about tradition, framed within the context of being Sikh. Looks like a really incredible drama, I missed it when it was here a few weeks ago, but hopefully it'll come around again soon.

Patang, A drama by Prashant Bhargava
Looks like a visual stunner with the gorgeous photography. Haven't seen it yet either, but can't wait to check it out.

The Power of Fun

I think that sometimes in life when you're dragging and things don't seem to be going anywhere, you just need to bust out and have a little fun. I've been so down on myself for not getting this new script into shape the way I want, I think I've really been internalizing my feelings in bad ways that we as creatives sometimes do. It's like, why can't I get this thing to be the way I want, what is wrong with me? Well, sometimes getting into that frame of mind is a downward spiral because it creates unneeded negative energy which further pushes us into the spiral. Anyway, so this past weekend, I went away with a couple of friends to Lightning in a Bottle, a music festival in Santa Barbara. It was cold and rainy, but I camped out there with a few really fun friends. We laughed a lot, listened to amazing music, and just kind of chilled out for three days. The music was so incredible, The Glitch Mob, Ana Sia, other low level bass shit, it was great to just get my dance on. For some reason, after those couple of days, I feel a whole new sense of energy. I feel positive, and I had a really good breakthrough with the writing issue I was struggling with. Usually, when I'm blocked with something, I make tons of notes, list, bios and other things to help me, but I think that sometimes, taking a very short breather is the best medicine... Or just getting some low level dance on!

Summer is Upon Us!

It's been a while since I posted to this blog... I don't know, I guess I've been feeling a little down for the past couple of weeks. January through the end of April was such a time of crazy hustle. Between teaching and putting the film together, I was running around like a crazy person. Now, it's suddenly summer, and the goal of making this movie happen is just around the corner, which means so many things, but mostly, it's about all of the financing coming together. If everything goes as planned, then we'll be okay. But in order for us to get there, there is so much that has to happen... This is the point in the process where you have to have faith, and pray that all of the ideas, energies and thoughts that you've puts out into the world will actually yield something. I mean, I've been busting my ass, now all I can do is keep following up and make it happen... It's weird because I've put so much of myself into this process, it's like, summer suddenly came, and I was like, now what? Usually, I line up teaching, freelance projects, etc for the summer, but this summer, I've been so about the film, I haven't lined much of anything up. But I think it's a good thing--I'm totally focused on making it happen, which means it will happen. I'm also re-writing a script of mine to really make it work. I've spent the past eight months on this piece, and I basically realized that the piece needs a more fresh POV. It's so much work, and I'm truly going a little crazy with the process, but I believe that this new POV/direction will help. I think I've been feeling a bit of that heavy weight like, man, I've put so much energy and effort out, will it actually go some place? I know it will, and I try to stay positive, but this career path is so hard for this reason--just because you put out ideas, it doesn't mean they're going anywhere. But besides the financing, I am also working on looking for production designers, cast and all of the pieces of the puzzle required to make a movie happen. It's all tricky, but I know it has to come together after all of this...

A Moment of Thanks!

Over the past two years, Megha and I have been hustling our butts off to make Raspberry Magic happen. It's not an easy process or a sane one as I've said here many times, but the thing that makes it good are all of the people who've been so supportive and so helpful. It's tough to knock on doors and get lots of no's, but honestly, for every no we've gotten, we've had tons of yes's. There have been so many people who've said, I know people who know people, or I will read the business plan and see what I can do. So, for all of the positive people out there who have touched us in some small or big way, I just want to say thank you, it's def. people like you who keep us going on a daily basis!!!

Crazy Time

The past few months have been an insane roll coaster ride--we've had some big leads on the financing front, then lots of waiting. I can't believe it's almost summer, and I am done with teaching for the spring. Now, it's crazy time, meaning we are set on shooting the movie this fall, so it means that we have to pull a number of things together. Our biggest task right now is to cast the young girls and finish raising all of our money. I have a feeling we'll be raising the money until the very last moment, but casting is a very big job, especially in terms of the little girls. I'm excited about shooting in Humboldt County, as well, and hope to spend a bit of time up there this summer to scout the locations. The other big question is shooting format. We've been exploring shooting on the new RED cameras, and my DP is thinking about purchasing one. But, a few people have told it's dicey in post, so we're weighing all of the options. Red sounds incredible, and many more people are using it now, we just wouldn't use the 4000K setting. So, I guess starting now it's officially hustle time!! Time to really pull all of the pieces together and make this film happen.

Incompetent Hipsters: Lovecraft is a Mess!!

We bought a veggie oil car from Lovecraft BioFuels a couple of years back when it was still a novel idea. It was a cool experiment, but ultimately, the car we got was a lemon. The crazy thing is, we first got hip to the idea through a friend of a friend, and then oddly enough, my mentor from Project Involve, Michael Lehmann, also had a couple of the cars. We picked out our green beauty, then they said it was take a month for the repairs to be complete. So, we paid our deposit and waited. And waited. Finally, after six months, we got the car. But the whole time, it seemed like LoveCraft was attempting to pull one over on us. They were rude, completely disorganized and had this really annoying "cooler than thou" attitude. It was like all hipster with very, very little business savvy. The people who worked there kept making all of these excuses for the elusive "Brian," too. I was ready to pull out and call it quits, but my sweet husband was so invested in this green beauty that he couldn't let it go. Anyway, once we finally got the car, it issues, like the transmission and a few other things. It was okay, I mean, the car still drives, but we ultimately got tired of having an unreliable vehicle. We've still got the car (mostly bc my husband won't let go of it), but we're ready to sell it. I'm sure the right person could do something with it, but us not knowing much about cars makes it tough. Anyway, today, there is an article in the LA Times that says, "Cutting-edge Silver Lake biofuel company is embroiled in a legal battle." It's all about how fucked up Brian and his business practices were. What a bunch drama!

Facebook

I was extremely resistant to getting on Facebook for the longest time. My producer was urging me to get on, but still, I was kind of skeptical, because I've been on Tribe, MySpace and Friendster, and ultimately, I found social networking to be a big waste of time. Anyway, sites like MySpace are so fucking ghetto, who wants to set up a profile there, right? But I finally bit the bullet and got onto Facebook a couple of months ago, and I have to say, a very interesting thing happened. But first, some back story. I grew up in Raleigh, NC. Now days, Raleigh is a very diverse place with so many different types of people/things going on, it's awesome. But back when I was growing up there, it just wasn't that diverse. I always felt like a fish out of water amongst the white, southern kids in my school. I was this funky weird chick wearing a mix of Indian clothing, starting an environmental club at my school and reading Ayn Rand. I really didn't care about things like prom, dating and the usual high school pursuits. I think everyone feels awkwardness to some degree in high school, but those years kind of traumatized me. I got picked on my some pretty mean people, and I started hanging out with a crowd of people who were kind of rough--I started drinking, doing drugs, etc. at a young age. Then, I got busted by my parents and my life became even more hellacious. To make matters worse, I wasn't a steallar student like the rest of my Indian compatriots. Sure, I was still getting A's and B's and an occasional C in math, but my sister and every other Indian kid we knew pretty much made straight A's. My parents basically thought I was a major under achiever with serious issues, so they made my junior year of high school a living hell--constant lectures, no going anywhere, and studying for the SAT every night for 2-3 hours (I did very poorly on the SATS). The only thing that saved me was my writing. My junior year of high school, a teacher of mine encouraged me to join newspaper staff, and I thrived. It was the first time I did something right, and she gave me a chance to write a column for a local newspaper. Then, my senior year, I won an Parade Magazine essay contest, so I was vindicated by my folks. Needless to say, my high school years were hard. I have one really close friend from high school, but she became a pretty conservative Christian and we went down very different paths. Anyway, back to FaceBook. After high school, I went to college at UNC, then immediately moved away from NC. I haven't lived there in 12 years or so, mostly because I want to forget those very difficult years. But recently, a few people from high school reached out to me on Facebook. A couple people I was friends with, then a couple people who were sort of "popular" and I knew only marginally. At first, I was pretty weirded out when I got their requests. There's something uncomfortable about re-connecting with a past you so want to forget. But I went ahead and added, and was surprised when a couple of people even wrote some really nice notes on my wall. Then, I started getting a few more requests from people I grew up with, and a funny thing has happened. My re-connecting with all of these folks, seeing that they're adults now with kids, jobs, etc. makes me realize that everyone was probably going through the same thing I was, I mean that awkwardness of of adolescence. My memories of certain people from those days feel like they were characters in a movie. But seeing them on FaceBook makes them more real, more human. It's definately strange, but interesting at the same time.

A Very Short Story

This a funny little short piece I wrote recently. I don't think anyone else thinks it's funny except for me, but hey, sometimes we have to humor ourselves, right? I submitted it to a couple of flash fiction publications, but they all said no. One editor told me he thought it was just plain weird. Anyway, here it is:

French Fries Cause Greenhouse Gases
Last Tuesday morning on the way to Stockton, I had an urge for the perfect mix of potato and salt and oil and ketchup in a bottomless pit of red and yellow cardboard. Supersized. I let up on the gas and gave my right signal as the desert sun set, ready to take exit one fifty six. But then I crept past it, without ever even moving into the far lane. Instead, I waited for an exit number that was divisible by seven. Seven times twenty equals one forty: gone. Seven times seventy-seven equals one eighty-nine: safe. Also, enough time to consider the facts: The fries contain beef seasoning. Beef seasoning comes from cows. Cows cause greenhouse gases. Greenhouse gases contribute to global warming. I am perpetuating world misery and denigration. But are salt-and-potatoes-and-beef seasoning really detrimental? I wiped my sweaty palms on my lap, drifting into the center of the road. Suddenly, I heard a loud and sustained horn “BLEEEEEEEEET.” I immediately swerved to the left. I glanced out my window as a truck driver with wild curly hair pressed his middle finger against the glass. My hands shook as I took exit 167 for a reputable sandwich joint.

It Takes a Mountain

Getting a feature film made is like moving a mountain. It takes a huge amount of resources, and a fierce determination that isn't always easy to sustain. I've been working my butt off, trying to convince people to help us make this movie, invest $20K in a piece of art that will live forever. We've gotten some investors on board, and there is definitely a movie in the works. But we still need more investors, and though we have a number of people who have said yes, we need the rest of the checks. It is not easy to raise money and on the days when I feel blue about our progress and how things are going, I try to remember that a year ago, we didn't even have a bank account. But there are days when I sometimes feel like this is so tough, that it simply may not happen. Deep down inside, I am so determined and I know that it will, but still, it is still very hard to put yourself out there sometimes. The thing that ultimately keeps me going is the vision of the film, this idea of a young girl trying to find herself amongst the complicated world of adults, a young girls who finds solace in the forest. Every character that I create is in some ways, an iteration of myself, and while I wasn't a science nerd when I was growing up, I was a book nerd. I spent hours and hours in my room reading, sometimes a book a week. Sometimes is was the Sweet Valley High series, other times it was the The Fountainhead and other literary works. The world of my parents was also confusing, because my parents fought constantly about things that made to sense to my sister and I. My parents put every ounce of their energy into us, but their fighting was so confusing that my sister and now as adults sometimes spend hours trying to dissect exactly what was going on there. I think that my parents were so consumed in their fighting, my sister and I both had to find ways of coping. My sister is more introverted than I am, but her studying was a means of dealing--she is now a doctor, and has no problem with the long hours of shutting herself up with the books. I was the less studious one, but I always loved to read and write, and now as an adult, I find sitting in closed rooms for long hours very comforting. Isn't it interesting how our past effects us? How we use it to create the present? Raspberry Magic is an iteration of myself in so many different ways, I have to make it.

Splitting the Difference in Creating Characters

I think that creating characters with a unique, engaging voice and point of view on the world is the essence of great writing. I've seen some writers with an affinity for plot, who don't have anything to say through their characters, and the stories feel flat. It's sort of like making films--just because a person is technically proficient, it doesn't mean that they have something amazing to say. Teaching film students, I find that the students who take risks conceptually are the ones whose ideas really strike a chord. This is true, I believe, of the professionals, too. So, I've always asked myself, how do I push my characters to the extreme limit, making them as engaging as possible? See, in the beginning, when I was learning to write, I think that sometimes my characters were way over the top and my plots were an absolute mess. A few managers said that I had an interesting voice, and that they would read more of my work, but the plots were simply confusing. Fast forward to a few years later, I've really been studying the craft of plotting and working very hard to understand story flow and logic. But now, I think what's happened is that I've lost some of that voice that used to be in my early scripts. A teacher of mine read one of my recent scripts said, it's all plot, what happened to those amazing characters of yours? If this had been a few years ago, I would have been pretty depressed (he also said it was the worst thing I had ever written, but that's a different story), but I took a couple weeks off and really pondered this question of character. I've been racking my brains a bit, trying to really think about this question of character--what is the essence of a character, and how do I, as a writer really make that shine. Sure, I do a character bio, I spent time figuring out motivation and all of those things. Finally, after some days of thinking about it, and developing some character charts that break down things like inner and outer needs, I sat down to write and I realized something. Creating characters for me is about instinct. I had a teacher of mine who would always say that writing with all instinct is extremely dangerous because when you're stuck, you don't know how to fix things. I get that, but for me, I realize that I have to get to a place where I am thinking through the logic of the plot, and the character's relationship to plot, but then when it come to creating the essence of the characters, I have to use my instinct and deeper understanding of who I think people are and how they work. I've gone back and revised this script, and I realize that I've found the voice of the main character through this process. Sure, I'll go back and revise, revise and revise, but I think this method of creating characters through my own experience is something that works for me.

Film Finance + Revisions

The film, Raspberry Magic, is coming along, slowly but surely... I never really mention details, because yes, I am superstitious about saying too much. We have shooting place, a date and yes, even much of the key cast in place... But I'll let you know once it's all real...

One another tip, I've got a new script which I'm presently revising. I realize in my writing that often I like to cover big concepts like in "V for Vendetta" for example, this idea of freedom--it's tricky because while the characters are compelling, many of the abstract ideas are represented by visuals. Same with "All the President's Men"--a great film, but many of the ideas are abstract concepts, expressed through letters or talking. These kinds of films are not so easy to write, and certainly not always the most commercially viable. And honestly, I don't think that many people get them. But, I have a momentum in my writing that is pushing me to extremes--I must write. It is all that I think about morning, noon and night. It's kind of overpowering, and at this moment, I don't know what it means except that I am getting work done. But I hope that in the scheme of things in means that I am pushing myself toward excellence. Right now, I am good, but in order to make something happen in this business, you have to be excellent in a way that's above and beyond. I want that.

Eve Marie Carson

Last week, I was very saddened by the violent shooting and death of UNC-Chapel Hill's student body president, Eve Marie Carson. Acts of random violence happen every single day in every country, in every town, but her death touched me on a very personal level. Perhaps because I went to UNC-Chapel Hill for my undergraduate education, or perhaps because my sister is still there, in medical school. Or, perhaps because I've always thought of Chapel Hill as the perfect, idyllic place, a place that's far away from Los Angeles and San Francisco, a place that's peaceful enough to lounge in the spring grass on a Tuesday afternoon, and culturally diverse enough to rent an obscure indie flick on a Sunday night. I've always thought that one day, my husband and I could live in a cute colonial on the outskirts of campus, and I could spend my days writing with the cicadas chirping loudly in the background, without having to worry. No, I'm not naive, violence can happen anywhere at any time, but I always thought of Chapel Hill as being far away from such things. I wanted to believe that such a place still existed, but it doesn't. On another level, it just makes me angry that Eve Marie Carson's life could be taken away so quickly, so tragically, in an instance when another person was having a bad moment. It doesn't matter how accomplished she was or all of the great things that she did while she was here, she had a right to exist in peace, without being the victim of another person's crime. What's even more difficult is that there is no explanation for such a thing, no way to really make sense of it. All we can do is offer condolences and wishes of peace for Eve Marie Carson's family.

Short Fiction

I've been writing a lot of micro or flash fiction in between screenplay revisions. I really like flash fiction, it allows me to explore a moment of time or an emotion while playing around with language. A piece of mine called, How Airplane Videos Keep Us Grounded, is posted on a lit magazine called, Word Catalyst. In the past, I had written some short pieces, but I wasn't doing it consistently. But now that I've been doing it regularly, I see my imagination opening up. I think writing these kinds of piece are great a great workout for writers!

Getting Ready

Between pulling different pieces of Raspberry Magic together, re-writing my new piece and teaching, I've been a little crazed. But we've found an awesome location for Raspberry Magic--I'm not going to say anything specific about it just yet because I don't want to jinx anything, but it's really the perfect place and would work very well for us. The other question has always been whether I'm shooting the movie on Super 16mm film or digital. I've always wanted to go Super 16mm film, because I like that grainy surreal look. But, a lot of people have tried to talk me out of it, especially because there are so many amazing digital cameras out there now, and if we use 35mm lens, we can really get a great look. So, after long talks with the DP, producer and several other people, I've decided digital will be okay. I think HD Video is now becoming it's own look, and people here in Hollywood are much more in sync with that look rather than Super 16mm. I had some angst about digital, but ultimately, I realized it's just going to make the process easier, plus, we have some excellent people helping us to get the look that I want. Also, this will allow me to get as many takes as I want without being totally stressed, and I may be, seeing that the film's got lots of kids. We pretty much have our core team in place, like the DP, line producer, etc, but I really haven't found a production designer yet. I don't know too many production designers, but I def. need someone good. It would be great if this person was an Art Director too, (welcome to low budget filmmaking), but we may have to split the roles. I'm sure we'll find this person, but for now, I've been doing a bit of searching on the look/feel. The climax of the movie is a science fair, and I've written in some funny projects. But someone recently sent me a link to this hilarious site with 41 Hilarious Science Experiments--real kids, real science projects. I love it!!!

Russell Peters

A couple of days ago, my husband and went to see the hilarious South Asian comic, Russell Peters perform at the Nokia Stadium here in LA! Nokia! A huge venue which was sold out for his latest show. I couldn't believe how big the show was, because the last time we saw him was at a tiny venue in LA called, The Laugh Factory. It's interesting because his comedy sort of pokes fun at all of us in-betweeners: Indians, Chinese, Persians, sometimes Latinos, in other words, those of us outside just black and white. He's tapped into huge market, and I think it's really exciting, because it means that there are other people out there, like me, who want fresh, new ideas, especially funny ones. I love his Chinese accent, and his famous "Be a man" bit never fails to make me laugh.

School Shooting

I was really saddened to learn that the child who was shot in the Oxnard school shooting was declared brain dead. It's a sad epidemic in this country--kids shooting kids over what used to be a simple case of bullying or playground angst. Every time I hear of another shooting, I am disturbed, and I really feel like we, as the adults, have to do more to stop this kind of violence amongst youth. It feels like schools have become battle fields, and there is nothing being done to quell it. No politician seems to have an answer to stopping these kinds of shootings. I'm def. a proponent of gun control, but I also think there needs to be education and awareness among teachers and students about this kind of violence.

Strike Over, Marketing South Asians

So, the strike is finally over. Things will slowly creep back into action, but it'll be interesting to see how it all plays out, especially with new film and television projects, and especially how the web will play a role in all of this. According to an LA Times article, so many people, especially young people, have turned to the web for entertainment, it'll be interesting to see how many people are lured back into TV. On another front, we're moving forward on our little indie film, I've had a couple of good meetings with actors, and I feel excited about the cast that's shaping up. We had a conversation with a distributor the other day who said he felt our movie would be impossible to market because it features a South Asian family. I can see his point in some ways, but on the flip side, so many people have said that the movie is very much about an American family who happens to be South Asian. Many people believe that the overall themes and ideas in the movie are universal and can transcend being just a South Asian film. Also, with the success of movie like Bend it Like Beckham and even Monsoon Wedding, I feel like the color of the actors' skin is becoming less of an issue. Honestly, I think some really smart distributor could market this film in an interesting way and make a damn good return on it! Maybe I'm too idealistic, but I truly believe that this film has a place in the market, that people will come and see it not because it's about Indian people, but because it's about people!

Small Screen Narratives

As some of you may/may not know, in addition to working on my movies, I also have the pleasure of teaching writing and filmmaking at a couple of colleges. This semester at LMU, I am teaching a course on shooting movies using cell phones and other portable devices. The class has been fun because students don't have to fill out all the forms, etc like they have to do in ordinary production classes, and can instead just go make movies. We limit the length to around two minutes for the films, and the class really focuses on storytelling paradigms. By that, I mean, we do a discussion on using media to convince/persuade, then we have students shoot something and show it it class. Another professor and I spent last semester developing the class, and it's been pretty cool to see it through. I think a lot of students at LMU are still not that keen on the idea of movies on mobiles devices, because they are still interested in traditional production. So the group we have is self selected and are very progressive and tech savvy people, which is pretty cool. I believe these students are opening themselves up to a lot of very interesting work opportunities. That was kind of how it was for me when I graduated from college. I was an English/public policy major, but bc of an internship, I got really into web design and found that I liked it. Web design was a great foot in the door as a congressional aide as well as a way to get a fellowship for my Master's degree at UC-Berkeley. I think movies on mobile devices will be more common, and the "small screen" itself will become a medium. There is definitely a need for content in this arena. Now, the crazy thing is, someone sent me a very interesting article from the NY Times on the popularity of "cell phone novels" in Japan. The article is called, "Thumbs Race as Japan’s Best Sellers Go Cellular." The crazy thing is, according to the article, ten of the top best sellers this year started out as cell phone novels. This is truly amazing, isn't it? I think people crave stories in every format no matter.

New Script, Casting Stars

This week, I completed a new script that I've been working on for the past six months or so. It's been a long haul, but the process of writing this piece has been much more fluid than much of my work in the past. Also, it's exciting to me because I believe that the script has a much more commercial feel that some of my past work. I'm sending the piece out to a few trusted people for notes, then we'll see what happens next! It's exciting. The crazy thing is, I've been writing so much over the past few weeks, my hands and back are absolutely killing me. I sound like an old geezer, but honestly, it is a serious issue, being on the computer for such long hours. I really need to figure out some way to sit/type so that I'm not in this much pain. I got a massage last week, but that didn't seem to help. Ugh! On the Raspberry Magic front, we got a couple more people to invest, and we've actually been talking to a couple of distributors. Don't know what will come of that in the immediate, but at least we have a conversation going. We're actually excited about some actors, too. It's hard because people want us to cast big stars in the film so it has a better chance of selling, but sometimes I hate the idea of stars because it seems like the focus of the movie then shifts to the "star" rather than the actually film. Miranda July was damn lucky to be able to get away with casting all unknowns in her film, Me, You and Everyone we Know. But then again, Miranda July has been hailed a genius, so she can get away with it. If it were up to me, I would simply cast actors, meaning people who can act their asses off, rather than people who are stars. But such is the business of filmmaking, so we'll see what happens!

Life as an Artist

It's been over ten years since I had a full time day job. Over the past decade, I've made a decent living as a teacher, freelance writer and web designer/video maker. It's a good life style because it allows me to make a decent living while pursuing my art as a writer/filmmaker. But the thing I hate about this lifestyle is that it's tough. You write and write with the goal of making something, seeing something happen, but it's such a long and slow process, it's easy to wonder if you're doing the right thing. I often wonder what I would feel like if I took a full time job at some sort of TV/Net venture, like say a Current TV. Maybe I'd like having salary, or knowing that something I put my work into will actually show up on TV. I've had several offers over the years, but I always find that I have too much freelance work, work as a teacher, or writer to do the full time job thing. These questions are my doubt seeping in sometimes, like maybe getting some nine to five deal will solve all the doubts I am sometimes plagued by. It's easy to be doubtful in this field, too, because there are so many subjective factors that go into having success. I had a friend who once actually asked me if there would be a day when I would quit, just forget about this and "do something else." But you see, the problem is, I don't really know what else I'd do. I would write books, maybe some articles (something I already do), but in terms of like being a project manager at a company or something, I'm just not sure about that. Maybe I'd enjoy it. At the moment, I am excited about shooting this movie, which we are doing in October, no matter what. I also have some new scripts that I think have potential, but again, it's a slow process, getting these out and seeing what might happen with them. I guess as artists/creative people, we just have to be extremely patient and have a lot of faith that the projects we sow will actually one day lead to other projects and more ideas.

Raspberry Bushes

So, I planted some raspberry bushes in my backyard, just to experiment a little, like the main character in my upcoming film, Raspberry Magic. It's pretty hard to grow raspberry bushes in LA, esp. because it doesn't rain that much. But mostly because I haven't been the most dedicated grower in the world. I thought the bushes would look a little happier with all the rains, but they kind of look sadder than ever... It would def. be impossible to grow berries on these sad little plants...

Crazy Days

The past few days have been a whirlwind, mostly because Megha and I were heading up to SF for a big investor meeting which subsequently got moved. But we decided to go up to SF anyway--I went bc my sister was out for a residency interview and Megha went up to see her sister, too. I thought it would be a pretty laid back weekend, but things went a little crazy bc of all the bad weather out here on the west coast. We got in much later than expected on Friday, but then Sunday when our flight was two hours late, I flipped out because Megha and I organized the Institute for International Film Finance speaker series for this month, and of course, it was happening that evening at five. It was all well planned, but we cut it really close getting back into town, and then to the venue. When I say that I flipped I out, I don't mean that I went ballistic in the airport or anything, but I did basically burst into uncontrollable tears for a seemingly ridiculous reason. Looking back on that moment, it seems kind of silly, but I think sometimes when you schedule too many things back to back without any wiggle room, this is what happens (to me at least). I also think I was a little overwhelmed with having gotten into a car accident a couple of days earlier. The accident wasn't bad, and actually, the girl who I hit had no damage. But my car was pretty banged up, which I was really upset by. Anyway, lots of interesting film meetings coming up... I hope this will be a week of calm and balance, unlike the last one.

Screenplay Structure

One of the most difficult aspects of leaning screenwriting is understanding basic screenplay structure. I don't mean learning some formula like the stuff Robert McKee advocates, but I mean understanding the general ebb and flow of how drama works, how you create tension and the general dramatic beats of a story. Structure is especially crucial in screenwriting, as opposed to a novel, because it is such a bare bones medium. There is very little room for wayward plots and storylines that don't feed into the main idea. I used to go in circles with plot and inevitably end of writing myself into a very confusing and dark corner. But now, I find that I have a certain rhythm to my writing, that I understand how it works. Everyone is different, but for me, I use a very rough structural model by figuring out the setup, inciting incident, climax and resolution. I have some story beats in between and I do a lot of character work. Then, I basically pound out a first draft. My first drafts are really shitty, but I find that the only way for me to write a screenplay is to write the actual screenplay. I know some writers do extremely detailed plot outlines, but I find that if I try to do this, I end up scratching the whole thing. I also like just getting into the draft because there is a process of discovery for me--I learn more about my characters and they go in places I would never have thought of in that first draft. Then, it takes me many more revisions to really get it right and polish it. I'm sure some writers do fewer drafts because they get their ideas together in the outline, but having gone through many different methods of trying to make this plot thing work, I've found that this process works for me. I say this because I feel like I'm getting to a solid draft of a new script, and the process has been much more fluid for me than in my past work. I am sure that I'll have other pieces which take me forever, but it was nice to understand my own process and be able to write more efficiently this time.

On the Hustle

Now that it's mid-January, we are back in full swing hustle mode on the film. I've been talking to all kinds of investors and even a few actors. There are some very promising developments on the horizon... The really exciting thing is that my DP, Jeffrey Chu, has been in town, so we've had a chance to sit down and really discuss the visual aspects of the film. We've been talking about what the color palette will look like for the movie and just the general feel. I want to go with colors that are a bit more subdued, that feel like realism, more like an old 16mm film than say something that is higher contrast in terms of the colors. I've always been pretty hardcore about shooting the movie on 16mm film, but the DP thinks we should explore the possibility of HD, so I am going to take a look. I am not crazy about the look of HD for dramas--I feel like it works well for comedies or even thriller type pieces like Collateral, but I like the color palette of film better. We'll see how it goes, it's more important to make the film than anything else, and Jeffrey is an excellent DP, so I'll be open to the possibilities.

Acting for Directors

This weekend, I took an "Acting for Directors" course with Judith Weston. I found it to be an excellent class, especially because Judith is a no frills teacher and didn't waste time on any BS, she went straight into a series of intense exercises which dealt with improv. and accessing emotions. These classes were invaluable to me as a director, but I also believe that they were helpful in terms of my writing. On some level, as writers, we are actors. When we create characters and bring them to the page, we are playing many different parts in order to make each character authentic and real. I find many of the exercises actors do to be extremely helpful in accessing deeper emotions and getting into a frame of mind which helps me dig deeper, especially improv. I would recommend all writers, especially screenwriters, to take at least one acting class. I also enjoyed Judith's class because all of the other students were directors working in different capacities--some came from commercials, others from music videos, etc, and most people had a feature project at some phase. There was a really exciting synergy in the class, which I haven't felt before in taking workshops around LA. Judith also gave some really specific and clear tips on working with children. The class got me super pumped to move forward on my project!!

The New Year!

I'm back in LA after ten days of complete chill time with the fam in NC--lots of eating good food and watching movies. Usually when I'm back in NC, I start to feel a little restless, but this time, I felt pretty content with being lazy. I guess that was an indication of just how burnt out I was at the end of December. Now I feel refreshed and ready to move forward with everything. In the few days I've been back in LA, things have been moving full force ahead. I met with our DP to discuss Raspberry Magic in depth, and the producer and I have a number of meetings coming up. We've also got some very exciting actor attachments on the horizon! I'm stirring creatively, which is great, there are so many things I want to do like develop a web series (I have a great premise!), plus so many new scripts to write. But it's tough to do everything so I'm going to focus on the feature (of course!) and my other scripts that are coming together. I'm also writing a new piece of flash fiction every week--it's been a great tool in terms of pushing my writing. This weekend, I am taking an intensive course called, "Acting for Directors." The class is a bit pricey, but it's well worth it. I really like Judith Weston because she is not pretentious and doesn't waste any time pimping her own resume. She does a series of intense and focused acting exercises geared toward directors. They are nerve racking, especially for those of us who are nervous about being vulnerable in front of other people, but it is really a great way for me to expand my process as a director both technically and creatively. I am generally stoked about the new year and am looking forward to busting my ass and making shit happen!

The Road

I recently finished reading Cormac McCarthy's Pulitzer-prize winning novel, The Road, and I have to say that it was one of the best books I've read in a very long time. I loved the sparse, staccato-like language, it's poetic rhythm taking you along the journey with father and son. The story was brilliant in its minimalism, giving the reader just enough information to go on the journey, but holding back the right amount to allow the reader's mind to wander. What I appreciated the most was the book's symbolic and metaphorical ruminations on the nature of love--when civilization has been decimated and father son are forced to find their way, is love enough to not only sustain them, but the future of the human race? In many ways, the book reminded me of The Fountainhead and Ayn Rand's theory of Objectivism, which condones altruism and advocates a rugged and fierce independence that in theory should empower the individual to survive. It's strange last night, because we were at a family party, and several of my husband's cousins and I stayed up late into the wee hours, debating this whole question of altruism versus the individual. One person in the group is a fierce Republican and believes wholeheartedly that tax dollars should not be used to help greater society, even when it comes to public services like health care, schools and more. He himself is wealthy and has done well in life, and some ways doesn't have much sympathy for those who have gone through hardships. It was an interesting discussion, something that kept bringing me back to the novel, The Road. McCarthy's book explores such complex and intricate questions, I've been thinking about it all week. Amazing that he could do so much with so little.

Insomnia on the East Coast

It's 3am and for the third night in a row, I am wide awake. I am so awake, it feels like 3pm in the afternoon, like I want to go jogging around the block five times. Whenever I come to NC for the holidays, I can't sleep. I'm sure it's partly due to the time change, but it's also because my mind goes into overdrive and I cannot stop thinking--the investors we're going to hit, the plot turn I'm adding to my new script, the short piece I need to polish. It reminds me of being a teenager, when I could never sleep, so I would read until 4am every night. Insomnia frustrates me, but right now, it's okay because I am in total chill mode, hanging out at my in-laws' place, eating all of the Indian delights I love like chaat and bhel. Yesterday, I finally fell asleep around 4am, then woke up at noon. It's been a long time since I've been in "chill mode", honestly, I can't really recall the last time, because I've been so crazed. So, instead of complaining, I will catch up on email and continue reading my books. It's sort of nice being in slow-paced Charlotte, going to Best Buy to get my father-in-law a TV and baking some cookies. It was weird flying here not only because Ameet and I were retarded enough to miss our flight, which meant hours of waiting for the next one, but also because the flight from Dallas to Charlotte was full of soldiers coming home for the holidays. I could not help but stare at a young woman, clad in a too-big uniform, her wire framed glasses sliding off her nose, her blond hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and her face full of pimples. Her young sister and mother waited in a corner while her father grabbed her bags off the conveyor belt. I couldn't help but worry, wonder whether she would make it home for the next Christmas, as she waved at several others wearing their camouflage. At least she was home for this one.

Ramifications of the Strike

As the Hollywood writers strike continues, I have been watching and monitoring the situation. While I believe that it is very important for a deal to be worked out, I always figured that market forces would create new incentives for both writers and internet ventures. The guild is a critical entity because it helps writers work out fair deals with the studios and major media conglomerates, particularly for larger production entities. But what I love about the Net is that it is a de-centralized form of media (that's why the studios don't know what to do with it) which is not overseen by the studios and media giants. In other words, what's stopping writers from going out and starting their own Net related ventures? That's what indie filmmakers do. We set up an investment entity, then we get people to believe in our vision. That is what I have been doing for the past couple of months--going out and getting investors. I know that many writers like working under the guild with the studios bc that is where the cash is, but on some level, now is a great time to come up with entrepreneurial ventures for the Net. We've seen sites like Quaterlife crop up, which I believe is a great idea, but the web site still needs a lot of refining on the technical end. It seems to me like in some ways, Hollywood is a little behind the curve bc content-related sites like even Current TV have been several years in the making. John August writes on his blog today about this idea, that technologists are in talks with high profile writers about setting up new entities. There is also a good article in the LA Times about this, as well.

Feelix

Feelix, built by Jakob Fredslund at Aarhus University in Denmark, is going to play a role in Raspberry Magic. But more to come on him soon...

I'm Still Here... Kind Of

The past month has been a total and complete whirlwind between writing, teaching, grading and trying to keep my head above the water with making my little indie film. This time of the year is always a bit tough because people are so swamped, and it's stressful in terms of setting up meetings, etc. But we've been chugging through consistently talking to all kinds of people about investing in the movie. This process is rough, and absolutely not for those with weak stomachs or hearts. Even myself, there are days when I feel totally discouraged, and I just want to put a blanket over my head and pretend I'm five years old. But alas, I want to make the film, so I have to crawl out of that shell and make the shit happen. I am excited, actually, to head back to NC for the holidays and chill, just a little. The financing for the film will be ongoing, but I am excited that my new spec is really coming together. I've got a first draft, and I'll prob spend the next couple of months punching it up to a third draft. Hopefully by then, this strike will come to close! On another front, I've been writing new flash fiction, which is exciting and fun, since it's super short and requires much less committment than a feature length screenplay :)

Strike, AFM, Filmmaking

So, it's been a week of writer's strikes here in LA land... Though it doesn't affect me directly at present in terms of my indie film work, it's a bit nerve racking because it just means that the system is even slower than it already is, meaning it's going to take forever for new work to be read! Ughh, it's already so slow! I guess all of this just gives me the impetus to focus on Raspberry Magic and make the film, no matter how low budget we have to go. I'm just at that point in my life where it's like do or die, I have to make the film and move ahead. I've also been thinking lately about doing a couple of narrative shorts for the web. I've got so many ideas, and it may be fun to shoot something in kind of a low-fi format and just get it out there. I love the possibility, because it's so much easier than screening something in film festivals--people can watch it much more immediately! On another tip, my producer and I went to AFM last week to meet with several people about the movie. It was fun but weird on many levels, hanging out in the lobby of the Loew's Hotel. We met with a couple of distributor/producer types who are helping us make this film happen, which was great. The weird part was seeing some filmmakers dressed in costumes or handing out schwag like pens and buttons. Man, it's a total down and dirty sort of hustle, people trying to get the word out however they can... This business is def tough at every juncture.

Quiet Week, Strike Looming

This is the first week in a long time that I haven't had meetings for Raspberry Magic. It was weird, but a good time to catch up on a bunch of things like putting together our fall newsletter/update. The week before, I had a pretty big deal investor meeting with a crew of people, which went very well. Megha and I had spend weeks putting together slides that are beautiful but also shock full of information. It was a stressful process and at one point, I thought we might kill one another, but it all worked out. It was a great experience to tell the story of the movie and also break down the financial for a captive audience. There are a number of people who are interested, but this process is so long, it requires a lot of talking back and forth, meeting with more people and then more people, constantly. I think sometimes that's the part that's hard for me, because it's a lot of waiting. But, we are lucky that we've got the meetings, and that we have a good group of people interested in the film. It's crazy with the whole Hollywood strike looming. I am sure it will impact me in ways I never imagined, even though it's not directly. It does seem like, though, with all this going on, we'll see more money going into webisodes and indie film. It will be interesting to see how all this shakes out.

Sense of Reality

What is reality and what how does one define existence? It's an abstract question, but the truth is that each of us have a different sense of reality and even meaning in our lives. For one person, reality might be about basic survival--finding food, shelter and water on a daily basis. For me, it's dealing with raising money for a movie, and living here in LA. For a good friend of mine who has a pretty bad case of paranoid schizophrenia, it's a about a "secret project" that no one knows about and that he can't tell us about. He's hiding out from people, and truly believes that there is conspiracy against him which involves someone logging into his email and monitoring his phone calls. I hesitated to blog about this whole thing because it's a highly personal matter, but on another level, it's preoccupied my thoughts more than I can even explain lately. Even more so, because some friends and I recently had an intervention where we tried to convince him to see a doctor. The conversation was like talking to a brick wall--he turned the story around on us, claiming that our argument that he is displaying all of the classic signs of the illness and that he should see a doctor was invalid. In fact, he kept telling us that we needed to come up with a new "story," a more creative reason for him to see a doctor. To him, nothing is wrong and he does not need to see a doctor. It's fascinating to me how the mind takes over and alters a person's idea of existence. Prior to schizophrenia, this person was an extremely high functioning member of society, someone who was the creme of the crop in terms of his ideas and abilities. Now, he is hiding out in his brother's apartment and sometimes wandering to friends' homes, walking around believing that he is being followed by people in this conspiracy. This whole situation makes me sad, particularly because there is no way to rationalize with a person in this state of mind. None. They have no doubts about their own sense of existence and reality and no one and really fuck with that. In fact, during the intervention, we brought up this whole point, that most of us question our own existence and sense of reality on a daily basis. He said he did not and that he did not want to. It's impossible to screw around with that.

Screenwriting Expo

I was always somewhat cynical about the Screenwriting Expo because I thought it would be another one of these weird events where people try to give you some magical formula to make millions on your next script. I went to one writing writing seminar like this where the speaker kept talking about how his Mercedes outside proved that he had a successful writing career. He kept giving long lists like, "30 ways to create conflict." It was weird--I actually left and got my money back. But, last year, I decided to go check out the expo and I have to say, I was really impressed. Most of the speakers were working writers or university teachers, which to me is way better than some of these "guru types" who often seem like they are basically trying to make a buck off poor souls with a dream. Anyway, I checked out several speakers who I thought were impressive like Steven Barnes and Linda Cowgill. Both were excellent in terms of their discussions on character and plot, and honestly, after listening to them, I felt like I stepped up my writing game in a huge way. I have a weird mindset with the expo, I go hardcore to classes and do my thing, but I'm not really in it to network. If I see people I know, then cool, but I'm really there to just go to the classes and take advice from the teachers. This year, I'm going focusing on plot and character, my two favorite areas, and going to a number of courses related to that. I'm looking forward to it, esp since I have so many ideas cooking in my head right now! Here are some of the seminars I plan to attend:

+ Inside Story: (Part 1) -- Developing the Transformational Arc of Character by Dara Marks
+ How to Create Characters With Emotional and Psychological Depth by Rachel Ballon
+ Sequences: The Hidden Structure of Successful Screenplays by Paul Joseph Gulino
+ Myth, Magic, Metaphysics: How to Use Them in Your Stories by Pamela Jaye Smith

Pushing Harder

This week has been long and exhausting. There is so much going on between the film and teaching, that I sometimes feel like I am struggling to keep my head above the water. In addition to teaching and making Raspberry Magic, I'm also writing a new spec script which I believe has a lot of potential, and even though I'm 80 pages in and know exactly where I want the ending to go, I wish I were further along. There is so much to do, I should be working like 25 hours a day. Sometimes I look at my creative resume and wish it was longer, a lot longer. Like instead of having made three short films, I wish I had made ten. Instead of writing three really solid features I'm proud of, I wish I had five. While sometimes this mindset is dangerous for me because I fall into a slump of never being satisfied, I also believe that this mindset keeps me going, motivates me. Even with the feature, there are moments when I want to be further along. But then, when I actually stop and look back, I'm actually amazed by how much we have done. If I think about where I was at a year ago versus now, I realize... Wow, I barely knew what a business plan was last year, but now I have one for the film! It's this amazing how life is? In the moment, when things are stressful, you wonder where everything is going. Then, when you actually stop and take a breath, you realize, wow, I have made progress...

Reading!

Throughout my youth and even into my twenties, I used to read voraciously. I would constantly read novels, sometimes literature, other times the scandalous stuff like VC Andrews. I would stay up until 4am just reading and reading. Now days, I'm so tired from either teaching or writing that I just don't have the energy to read as much. Also, writing so much, my patience with novels that have wayward plots is very limited. But this week, I picked up a book, written by a former writing teacher of mine called The Year of the Fog and it is incredible. I took a writing workshop with the author, Michelle Richmond, one foggy summer in San Francisco. This was a summer when I was feeling very blue, because I felt that after having gotten my Master's degree in doc. filmmaking, that I didn't want to make docs anymore. I had always known deep down that fiction was my calling, but I wasn't sure if that meant writing short stories or writing film scripts. And, I wasn't really sure of how one pursues their dreams to write fiction. So, I was experimenting with workshops, and I came upon Michelle's. Anyway, in her class, we wrote a lot of flash fiction, or or short stories under a thousand words. I had never done this kind of writing, but I found that I had a knack for it, especially with the dialog. Some of my stories would have the group laughing so hard that they were crying. It was a strange revelation for me, as I had written many short stories in the past, but they were long (like 20 pages or more), and were basically just terrible. Anyway, Michelle was unlike most of the writing teachers I had had, she was young and beautiful and very encouraging. This class helped me build my confidence, and was great preparation for making my short, This Moment. I'm stoked for Michelle, because her novel really is excellent. Amazing language, great story, engaging characters. It's great to see her be successful!

Scene Study

So, I've been taking a scene study class just to help my directing process and it's been very interesting. I had this realization about the acting/writing/directing process the other day as several actors were working on entrance/exit exercises. In this class, the entrance/exit exercises are long, the teacher allots like ten minutes for each actor, which to me is an eternity! Anyway, a lot of the actors had a tendency to use up time by walking around the space aimlessly, or taking forever on something that would ordinarily be a simple action. For example, one guy was reading a letter which was supposed to deliver bad news. I think he spent five minutes looking at the letter and getting progressively more upset. There is nothing wrong with taking time on an action, but this was so long that it didn't make sense and even the teacher, Michelle Danner, told him there was too much lag time. In other words, the audience was totally zoning out! Anyway, the concepts in writing and acting are very similar for the stage and screen--there needs to be action motivated by a deeper reason. The reasons are usually tied to the story goals. This is where the director comes in. I totally see how actors can get bogged down with wayward action without the guidance of a director. It is a director's job to motivate all of the movements and make sure they are serving the purpose of the scene. I felt like a lot of the scenes that the actors performed from plays involved lots of walking aimlessly on stage. Very distracting and not really serving deeper goals. So, it'll be exciting as a director taking the class to guide some of the scenes and help with the blocking. It is great for me to see how the principles of creating drama are the same for all of the disciplines--motivated action is key!

Art Show!

A good friend of mine invited my husband and I to check out the LA opening for British artist Antony Micallef last night. I wasn't familiar with his work, but I had heard he was in the same category as Banksy, creating urban art with underlying messages that deal with corporate greed, media frenzy and more. I have to say, I was quite blown away by his art, especially a piece in which a little boy is coloring with crayons, and drawing a whole bunch of corporate logos. I love this idea of using corporate logos to represent the world in which we live. I integrated some visuals like this into my script called Kate's Rules because I wanted to play with this whole idea of "culture jamming." I think if the film ever got made, it would be a great leit motif. Anyway, Antony Micallef's pieces were on sale for anywhere between $150,000 to $250,000 per painting, and all of the works on the upper gallery were sold, and many in the lower gallery were also sold. Amazing that in one night he made over a million dollars off his art, his creativity! It's even more incredible because he's only 32 years old. Apparently, many celebrities have bought his art, and helped to increase its value. Going to the show made me ponder questions about art and creativity, and what makes something truly stand out. It's definitely not an easy question, but on some level it basically made me want to cloister myself at home and work way harder than I am now!

Our first check, Directing, Toronto Film Fest

Megha and I have been hustling all summer, meeting with various people about the movie. We've gotten commitments from a number of people, but there is nothing as exciting as actually receiving that first check. It's pretty cool to get a check made out to Raspberry Magic, LLC. It makes the movie seem that much more real, that much more tangible! Megha and I have been at this for less than a year, and we've def. made strides. There are moments when I want time to speed up, and make everything happen so much faster. But then when I actually look back on things, they already seem to have sped by!

On another note, Megha and I went to the Toronto FF this weekend and watched a shit load of films. We met some interesting people, as well, but we watched a ton of movies. I think it's helpful as we work on our movie to see what's out there. One thing we def. noticed was that so many of the films could have been thirty minutes shorter. It's painful sometimes at festivals to watch films that could really use another pass. We went to the North American premiere of Paul Schrader's new film, The Walker. Kind of sucked b/c the film reels were spliced together in the wrong order, and they had to stop the movie for 30 minutes to re-splice, what a pain. Good film, interesting premise, but again, it seemed like they weren't quite at the final cut stage, as some of the editing felt rough. We def. want to spend the time/money with Raspberry Magic to get an excellent editor to can really make the movie pop! We watched a ton of international films, which was nice. An amazing movie called M, though again, it really could have been shorter!

Cynicsm

It is tough sometimes, being in LA, because this is the place where people move to live and breath their dreams. It can be a very tough climb, especially for people who have been pounding the pavement really hard for anywhere from five to ten years. Whether you are acting, writing, or directing, it is easy to become cynical and feel like you are not where you want to be. I meet so many people who have a broken spirit because they have been trying for so long, and yet, nothing is happening. It is certainly not easy to deal with rejection and loss of hope. But I really and truly believe that if you are here for the right reasons, and want to practice your craft because you care deeply about it, all of those other issues slowly melt away. I'm not saying that everyone can be rich and famous, but what I am saying is that if being rich and famous is your goal, then you will be disappointed. However, if your goal is to write three really great scripts and see what happens with them, then this is doable. For me, I was unhappy with where I was at for a long time, but then, I decided to focus on just being creative and making stuff rather than on the end results. In other words, I decided that I had to find a way to make my film, while also continuing to write. This is not easy, but what I've found is that I am so busy making stuff and creating, that I really don't have time to be cynical and unhappy. It is really and truly a good feeling.

Grants

We are raising the funds for Raspberry Magic mostly through private equity. This approach seems to be the most practical, in my opinion. In the past, I have applied to many different grants, etc, but the problem with grants often is that they have a very specific agenda in terms of the projects they want, especially places like ITVS. However, this summer I went ahead and applied for the Roy Dean Grant, which provides equipment and other useful resources for low-budget films. I'm a bit hesitant about these types of things, because in the past, I really put long hours in applying for all kinds of stuff, none of which seemed to pan out. I applied to the Dean grant last year, as well, and wasn't a finalist. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to be a finalist for the grant this year. We didn't win, but Carol Dean, who is in charge, gave us many kudos on the project and was very helpful in terms of suggesting resources.