The Power of Fun

I think that sometimes in life when you're dragging and things don't seem to be going anywhere, you just need to bust out and have a little fun. I've been so down on myself for not getting this new script into shape the way I want, I think I've really been internalizing my feelings in bad ways that we as creatives sometimes do. It's like, why can't I get this thing to be the way I want, what is wrong with me? Well, sometimes getting into that frame of mind is a downward spiral because it creates unneeded negative energy which further pushes us into the spiral. Anyway, so this past weekend, I went away with a couple of friends to Lightning in a Bottle, a music festival in Santa Barbara. It was cold and rainy, but I camped out there with a few really fun friends. We laughed a lot, listened to amazing music, and just kind of chilled out for three days. The music was so incredible, The Glitch Mob, Ana Sia, other low level bass shit, it was great to just get my dance on. For some reason, after those couple of days, I feel a whole new sense of energy. I feel positive, and I had a really good breakthrough with the writing issue I was struggling with. Usually, when I'm blocked with something, I make tons of notes, list, bios and other things to help me, but I think that sometimes, taking a very short breather is the best medicine... Or just getting some low level dance on!

Summer is Upon Us!

It's been a while since I posted to this blog... I don't know, I guess I've been feeling a little down for the past couple of weeks. January through the end of April was such a time of crazy hustle. Between teaching and putting the film together, I was running around like a crazy person. Now, it's suddenly summer, and the goal of making this movie happen is just around the corner, which means so many things, but mostly, it's about all of the financing coming together. If everything goes as planned, then we'll be okay. But in order for us to get there, there is so much that has to happen... This is the point in the process where you have to have faith, and pray that all of the ideas, energies and thoughts that you've puts out into the world will actually yield something. I mean, I've been busting my ass, now all I can do is keep following up and make it happen... It's weird because I've put so much of myself into this process, it's like, summer suddenly came, and I was like, now what? Usually, I line up teaching, freelance projects, etc for the summer, but this summer, I've been so about the film, I haven't lined much of anything up. But I think it's a good thing--I'm totally focused on making it happen, which means it will happen. I'm also re-writing a script of mine to really make it work. I've spent the past eight months on this piece, and I basically realized that the piece needs a more fresh POV. It's so much work, and I'm truly going a little crazy with the process, but I believe that this new POV/direction will help. I think I've been feeling a bit of that heavy weight like, man, I've put so much energy and effort out, will it actually go some place? I know it will, and I try to stay positive, but this career path is so hard for this reason--just because you put out ideas, it doesn't mean they're going anywhere. But besides the financing, I am also working on looking for production designers, cast and all of the pieces of the puzzle required to make a movie happen. It's all tricky, but I know it has to come together after all of this...

A Moment of Thanks!

Over the past two years, Megha and I have been hustling our butts off to make Raspberry Magic happen. It's not an easy process or a sane one as I've said here many times, but the thing that makes it good are all of the people who've been so supportive and so helpful. It's tough to knock on doors and get lots of no's, but honestly, for every no we've gotten, we've had tons of yes's. There have been so many people who've said, I know people who know people, or I will read the business plan and see what I can do. So, for all of the positive people out there who have touched us in some small or big way, I just want to say thank you, it's def. people like you who keep us going on a daily basis!!!

Crazy Time

The past few months have been an insane roll coaster ride--we've had some big leads on the financing front, then lots of waiting. I can't believe it's almost summer, and I am done with teaching for the spring. Now, it's crazy time, meaning we are set on shooting the movie this fall, so it means that we have to pull a number of things together. Our biggest task right now is to cast the young girls and finish raising all of our money. I have a feeling we'll be raising the money until the very last moment, but casting is a very big job, especially in terms of the little girls. I'm excited about shooting in Humboldt County, as well, and hope to spend a bit of time up there this summer to scout the locations. The other big question is shooting format. We've been exploring shooting on the new RED cameras, and my DP is thinking about purchasing one. But, a few people have told it's dicey in post, so we're weighing all of the options. Red sounds incredible, and many more people are using it now, we just wouldn't use the 4000K setting. So, I guess starting now it's officially hustle time!! Time to really pull all of the pieces together and make this film happen.

Incompetent Hipsters: Lovecraft is a Mess!!

We bought a veggie oil car from Lovecraft BioFuels a couple of years back when it was still a novel idea. It was a cool experiment, but ultimately, the car we got was a lemon. The crazy thing is, we first got hip to the idea through a friend of a friend, and then oddly enough, my mentor from Project Involve, Michael Lehmann, also had a couple of the cars. We picked out our green beauty, then they said it was take a month for the repairs to be complete. So, we paid our deposit and waited. And waited. Finally, after six months, we got the car. But the whole time, it seemed like LoveCraft was attempting to pull one over on us. They were rude, completely disorganized and had this really annoying "cooler than thou" attitude. It was like all hipster with very, very little business savvy. The people who worked there kept making all of these excuses for the elusive "Brian," too. I was ready to pull out and call it quits, but my sweet husband was so invested in this green beauty that he couldn't let it go. Anyway, once we finally got the car, it issues, like the transmission and a few other things. It was okay, I mean, the car still drives, but we ultimately got tired of having an unreliable vehicle. We've still got the car (mostly bc my husband won't let go of it), but we're ready to sell it. I'm sure the right person could do something with it, but us not knowing much about cars makes it tough. Anyway, today, there is an article in the LA Times that says, "Cutting-edge Silver Lake biofuel company is embroiled in a legal battle." It's all about how fucked up Brian and his business practices were. What a bunch drama!

Facebook

I was extremely resistant to getting on Facebook for the longest time. My producer was urging me to get on, but still, I was kind of skeptical, because I've been on Tribe, MySpace and Friendster, and ultimately, I found social networking to be a big waste of time. Anyway, sites like MySpace are so fucking ghetto, who wants to set up a profile there, right? But I finally bit the bullet and got onto Facebook a couple of months ago, and I have to say, a very interesting thing happened. But first, some back story. I grew up in Raleigh, NC. Now days, Raleigh is a very diverse place with so many different types of people/things going on, it's awesome. But back when I was growing up there, it just wasn't that diverse. I always felt like a fish out of water amongst the white, southern kids in my school. I was this funky weird chick wearing a mix of Indian clothing, starting an environmental club at my school and reading Ayn Rand. I really didn't care about things like prom, dating and the usual high school pursuits. I think everyone feels awkwardness to some degree in high school, but those years kind of traumatized me. I got picked on my some pretty mean people, and I started hanging out with a crowd of people who were kind of rough--I started drinking, doing drugs, etc. at a young age. Then, I got busted by my parents and my life became even more hellacious. To make matters worse, I wasn't a steallar student like the rest of my Indian compatriots. Sure, I was still getting A's and B's and an occasional C in math, but my sister and every other Indian kid we knew pretty much made straight A's. My parents basically thought I was a major under achiever with serious issues, so they made my junior year of high school a living hell--constant lectures, no going anywhere, and studying for the SAT every night for 2-3 hours (I did very poorly on the SATS). The only thing that saved me was my writing. My junior year of high school, a teacher of mine encouraged me to join newspaper staff, and I thrived. It was the first time I did something right, and she gave me a chance to write a column for a local newspaper. Then, my senior year, I won an Parade Magazine essay contest, so I was vindicated by my folks. Needless to say, my high school years were hard. I have one really close friend from high school, but she became a pretty conservative Christian and we went down very different paths. Anyway, back to FaceBook. After high school, I went to college at UNC, then immediately moved away from NC. I haven't lived there in 12 years or so, mostly because I want to forget those very difficult years. But recently, a few people from high school reached out to me on Facebook. A couple people I was friends with, then a couple people who were sort of "popular" and I knew only marginally. At first, I was pretty weirded out when I got their requests. There's something uncomfortable about re-connecting with a past you so want to forget. But I went ahead and added, and was surprised when a couple of people even wrote some really nice notes on my wall. Then, I started getting a few more requests from people I grew up with, and a funny thing has happened. My re-connecting with all of these folks, seeing that they're adults now with kids, jobs, etc. makes me realize that everyone was probably going through the same thing I was, I mean that awkwardness of of adolescence. My memories of certain people from those days feel like they were characters in a movie. But seeing them on FaceBook makes them more real, more human. It's definately strange, but interesting at the same time.

A Very Short Story

This a funny little short piece I wrote recently. I don't think anyone else thinks it's funny except for me, but hey, sometimes we have to humor ourselves, right? I submitted it to a couple of flash fiction publications, but they all said no. One editor told me he thought it was just plain weird. Anyway, here it is:

French Fries Cause Greenhouse Gases
Last Tuesday morning on the way to Stockton, I had an urge for the perfect mix of potato and salt and oil and ketchup in a bottomless pit of red and yellow cardboard. Supersized. I let up on the gas and gave my right signal as the desert sun set, ready to take exit one fifty six. But then I crept past it, without ever even moving into the far lane. Instead, I waited for an exit number that was divisible by seven. Seven times twenty equals one forty: gone. Seven times seventy-seven equals one eighty-nine: safe. Also, enough time to consider the facts: The fries contain beef seasoning. Beef seasoning comes from cows. Cows cause greenhouse gases. Greenhouse gases contribute to global warming. I am perpetuating world misery and denigration. But are salt-and-potatoes-and-beef seasoning really detrimental? I wiped my sweaty palms on my lap, drifting into the center of the road. Suddenly, I heard a loud and sustained horn “BLEEEEEEEEET.” I immediately swerved to the left. I glanced out my window as a truck driver with wild curly hair pressed his middle finger against the glass. My hands shook as I took exit 167 for a reputable sandwich joint.

It Takes a Mountain

Getting a feature film made is like moving a mountain. It takes a huge amount of resources, and a fierce determination that isn't always easy to sustain. I've been working my butt off, trying to convince people to help us make this movie, invest $20K in a piece of art that will live forever. We've gotten some investors on board, and there is definitely a movie in the works. But we still need more investors, and though we have a number of people who have said yes, we need the rest of the checks. It is not easy to raise money and on the days when I feel blue about our progress and how things are going, I try to remember that a year ago, we didn't even have a bank account. But there are days when I sometimes feel like this is so tough, that it simply may not happen. Deep down inside, I am so determined and I know that it will, but still, it is still very hard to put yourself out there sometimes. The thing that ultimately keeps me going is the vision of the film, this idea of a young girl trying to find herself amongst the complicated world of adults, a young girls who finds solace in the forest. Every character that I create is in some ways, an iteration of myself, and while I wasn't a science nerd when I was growing up, I was a book nerd. I spent hours and hours in my room reading, sometimes a book a week. Sometimes is was the Sweet Valley High series, other times it was the The Fountainhead and other literary works. The world of my parents was also confusing, because my parents fought constantly about things that made to sense to my sister and I. My parents put every ounce of their energy into us, but their fighting was so confusing that my sister and now as adults sometimes spend hours trying to dissect exactly what was going on there. I think that my parents were so consumed in their fighting, my sister and I both had to find ways of coping. My sister is more introverted than I am, but her studying was a means of dealing--she is now a doctor, and has no problem with the long hours of shutting herself up with the books. I was the less studious one, but I always loved to read and write, and now as an adult, I find sitting in closed rooms for long hours very comforting. Isn't it interesting how our past effects us? How we use it to create the present? Raspberry Magic is an iteration of myself in so many different ways, I have to make it.

Splitting the Difference in Creating Characters

I think that creating characters with a unique, engaging voice and point of view on the world is the essence of great writing. I've seen some writers with an affinity for plot, who don't have anything to say through their characters, and the stories feel flat. It's sort of like making films--just because a person is technically proficient, it doesn't mean that they have something amazing to say. Teaching film students, I find that the students who take risks conceptually are the ones whose ideas really strike a chord. This is true, I believe, of the professionals, too. So, I've always asked myself, how do I push my characters to the extreme limit, making them as engaging as possible? See, in the beginning, when I was learning to write, I think that sometimes my characters were way over the top and my plots were an absolute mess. A few managers said that I had an interesting voice, and that they would read more of my work, but the plots were simply confusing. Fast forward to a few years later, I've really been studying the craft of plotting and working very hard to understand story flow and logic. But now, I think what's happened is that I've lost some of that voice that used to be in my early scripts. A teacher of mine read one of my recent scripts said, it's all plot, what happened to those amazing characters of yours? If this had been a few years ago, I would have been pretty depressed (he also said it was the worst thing I had ever written, but that's a different story), but I took a couple weeks off and really pondered this question of character. I've been racking my brains a bit, trying to really think about this question of character--what is the essence of a character, and how do I, as a writer really make that shine. Sure, I do a character bio, I spent time figuring out motivation and all of those things. Finally, after some days of thinking about it, and developing some character charts that break down things like inner and outer needs, I sat down to write and I realized something. Creating characters for me is about instinct. I had a teacher of mine who would always say that writing with all instinct is extremely dangerous because when you're stuck, you don't know how to fix things. I get that, but for me, I realize that I have to get to a place where I am thinking through the logic of the plot, and the character's relationship to plot, but then when it come to creating the essence of the characters, I have to use my instinct and deeper understanding of who I think people are and how they work. I've gone back and revised this script, and I realize that I've found the voice of the main character through this process. Sure, I'll go back and revise, revise and revise, but I think this method of creating characters through my own experience is something that works for me.

Film Finance + Revisions

The film, Raspberry Magic, is coming along, slowly but surely... I never really mention details, because yes, I am superstitious about saying too much. We have shooting place, a date and yes, even much of the key cast in place... But I'll let you know once it's all real...

One another tip, I've got a new script which I'm presently revising. I realize in my writing that often I like to cover big concepts like in "V for Vendetta" for example, this idea of freedom--it's tricky because while the characters are compelling, many of the abstract ideas are represented by visuals. Same with "All the President's Men"--a great film, but many of the ideas are abstract concepts, expressed through letters or talking. These kinds of films are not so easy to write, and certainly not always the most commercially viable. And honestly, I don't think that many people get them. But, I have a momentum in my writing that is pushing me to extremes--I must write. It is all that I think about morning, noon and night. It's kind of overpowering, and at this moment, I don't know what it means except that I am getting work done. But I hope that in the scheme of things in means that I am pushing myself toward excellence. Right now, I am good, but in order to make something happen in this business, you have to be excellent in a way that's above and beyond. I want that.

Eve Marie Carson

Last week, I was very saddened by the violent shooting and death of UNC-Chapel Hill's student body president, Eve Marie Carson. Acts of random violence happen every single day in every country, in every town, but her death touched me on a very personal level. Perhaps because I went to UNC-Chapel Hill for my undergraduate education, or perhaps because my sister is still there, in medical school. Or, perhaps because I've always thought of Chapel Hill as the perfect, idyllic place, a place that's far away from Los Angeles and San Francisco, a place that's peaceful enough to lounge in the spring grass on a Tuesday afternoon, and culturally diverse enough to rent an obscure indie flick on a Sunday night. I've always thought that one day, my husband and I could live in a cute colonial on the outskirts of campus, and I could spend my days writing with the cicadas chirping loudly in the background, without having to worry. No, I'm not naive, violence can happen anywhere at any time, but I always thought of Chapel Hill as being far away from such things. I wanted to believe that such a place still existed, but it doesn't. On another level, it just makes me angry that Eve Marie Carson's life could be taken away so quickly, so tragically, in an instance when another person was having a bad moment. It doesn't matter how accomplished she was or all of the great things that she did while she was here, she had a right to exist in peace, without being the victim of another person's crime. What's even more difficult is that there is no explanation for such a thing, no way to really make sense of it. All we can do is offer condolences and wishes of peace for Eve Marie Carson's family.

Short Fiction

I've been writing a lot of micro or flash fiction in between screenplay revisions. I really like flash fiction, it allows me to explore a moment of time or an emotion while playing around with language. A piece of mine called, How Airplane Videos Keep Us Grounded, is posted on a lit magazine called, Word Catalyst. In the past, I had written some short pieces, but I wasn't doing it consistently. But now that I've been doing it regularly, I see my imagination opening up. I think writing these kinds of piece are great a great workout for writers!

Getting Ready

Between pulling different pieces of Raspberry Magic together, re-writing my new piece and teaching, I've been a little crazed. But we've found an awesome location for Raspberry Magic--I'm not going to say anything specific about it just yet because I don't want to jinx anything, but it's really the perfect place and would work very well for us. The other question has always been whether I'm shooting the movie on Super 16mm film or digital. I've always wanted to go Super 16mm film, because I like that grainy surreal look. But, a lot of people have tried to talk me out of it, especially because there are so many amazing digital cameras out there now, and if we use 35mm lens, we can really get a great look. So, after long talks with the DP, producer and several other people, I've decided digital will be okay. I think HD Video is now becoming it's own look, and people here in Hollywood are much more in sync with that look rather than Super 16mm. I had some angst about digital, but ultimately, I realized it's just going to make the process easier, plus, we have some excellent people helping us to get the look that I want. Also, this will allow me to get as many takes as I want without being totally stressed, and I may be, seeing that the film's got lots of kids. We pretty much have our core team in place, like the DP, line producer, etc, but I really haven't found a production designer yet. I don't know too many production designers, but I def. need someone good. It would be great if this person was an Art Director too, (welcome to low budget filmmaking), but we may have to split the roles. I'm sure we'll find this person, but for now, I've been doing a bit of searching on the look/feel. The climax of the movie is a science fair, and I've written in some funny projects. But someone recently sent me a link to this hilarious site with 41 Hilarious Science Experiments--real kids, real science projects. I love it!!!

Russell Peters

A couple of days ago, my husband and went to see the hilarious South Asian comic, Russell Peters perform at the Nokia Stadium here in LA! Nokia! A huge venue which was sold out for his latest show. I couldn't believe how big the show was, because the last time we saw him was at a tiny venue in LA called, The Laugh Factory. It's interesting because his comedy sort of pokes fun at all of us in-betweeners: Indians, Chinese, Persians, sometimes Latinos, in other words, those of us outside just black and white. He's tapped into huge market, and I think it's really exciting, because it means that there are other people out there, like me, who want fresh, new ideas, especially funny ones. I love his Chinese accent, and his famous "Be a man" bit never fails to make me laugh.

School Shooting

I was really saddened to learn that the child who was shot in the Oxnard school shooting was declared brain dead. It's a sad epidemic in this country--kids shooting kids over what used to be a simple case of bullying or playground angst. Every time I hear of another shooting, I am disturbed, and I really feel like we, as the adults, have to do more to stop this kind of violence amongst youth. It feels like schools have become battle fields, and there is nothing being done to quell it. No politician seems to have an answer to stopping these kinds of shootings. I'm def. a proponent of gun control, but I also think there needs to be education and awareness among teachers and students about this kind of violence.

Strike Over, Marketing South Asians

So, the strike is finally over. Things will slowly creep back into action, but it'll be interesting to see how it all plays out, especially with new film and television projects, and especially how the web will play a role in all of this. According to an LA Times article, so many people, especially young people, have turned to the web for entertainment, it'll be interesting to see how many people are lured back into TV. On another front, we're moving forward on our little indie film, I've had a couple of good meetings with actors, and I feel excited about the cast that's shaping up. We had a conversation with a distributor the other day who said he felt our movie would be impossible to market because it features a South Asian family. I can see his point in some ways, but on the flip side, so many people have said that the movie is very much about an American family who happens to be South Asian. Many people believe that the overall themes and ideas in the movie are universal and can transcend being just a South Asian film. Also, with the success of movie like Bend it Like Beckham and even Monsoon Wedding, I feel like the color of the actors' skin is becoming less of an issue. Honestly, I think some really smart distributor could market this film in an interesting way and make a damn good return on it! Maybe I'm too idealistic, but I truly believe that this film has a place in the market, that people will come and see it not because it's about Indian people, but because it's about people!

Small Screen Narratives

As some of you may/may not know, in addition to working on my movies, I also have the pleasure of teaching writing and filmmaking at a couple of colleges. This semester at LMU, I am teaching a course on shooting movies using cell phones and other portable devices. The class has been fun because students don't have to fill out all the forms, etc like they have to do in ordinary production classes, and can instead just go make movies. We limit the length to around two minutes for the films, and the class really focuses on storytelling paradigms. By that, I mean, we do a discussion on using media to convince/persuade, then we have students shoot something and show it it class. Another professor and I spent last semester developing the class, and it's been pretty cool to see it through. I think a lot of students at LMU are still not that keen on the idea of movies on mobiles devices, because they are still interested in traditional production. So the group we have is self selected and are very progressive and tech savvy people, which is pretty cool. I believe these students are opening themselves up to a lot of very interesting work opportunities. That was kind of how it was for me when I graduated from college. I was an English/public policy major, but bc of an internship, I got really into web design and found that I liked it. Web design was a great foot in the door as a congressional aide as well as a way to get a fellowship for my Master's degree at UC-Berkeley. I think movies on mobile devices will be more common, and the "small screen" itself will become a medium. There is definitely a need for content in this arena. Now, the crazy thing is, someone sent me a very interesting article from the NY Times on the popularity of "cell phone novels" in Japan. The article is called, "Thumbs Race as Japan’s Best Sellers Go Cellular." The crazy thing is, according to the article, ten of the top best sellers this year started out as cell phone novels. This is truly amazing, isn't it? I think people crave stories in every format no matter.

New Script, Casting Stars

This week, I completed a new script that I've been working on for the past six months or so. It's been a long haul, but the process of writing this piece has been much more fluid than much of my work in the past. Also, it's exciting to me because I believe that the script has a much more commercial feel that some of my past work. I'm sending the piece out to a few trusted people for notes, then we'll see what happens next! It's exciting. The crazy thing is, I've been writing so much over the past few weeks, my hands and back are absolutely killing me. I sound like an old geezer, but honestly, it is a serious issue, being on the computer for such long hours. I really need to figure out some way to sit/type so that I'm not in this much pain. I got a massage last week, but that didn't seem to help. Ugh! On the Raspberry Magic front, we got a couple more people to invest, and we've actually been talking to a couple of distributors. Don't know what will come of that in the immediate, but at least we have a conversation going. We're actually excited about some actors, too. It's hard because people want us to cast big stars in the film so it has a better chance of selling, but sometimes I hate the idea of stars because it seems like the focus of the movie then shifts to the "star" rather than the actually film. Miranda July was damn lucky to be able to get away with casting all unknowns in her film, Me, You and Everyone we Know. But then again, Miranda July has been hailed a genius, so she can get away with it. If it were up to me, I would simply cast actors, meaning people who can act their asses off, rather than people who are stars. But such is the business of filmmaking, so we'll see what happens!

Life as an Artist

It's been over ten years since I had a full time day job. Over the past decade, I've made a decent living as a teacher, freelance writer and web designer/video maker. It's a good life style because it allows me to make a decent living while pursuing my art as a writer/filmmaker. But the thing I hate about this lifestyle is that it's tough. You write and write with the goal of making something, seeing something happen, but it's such a long and slow process, it's easy to wonder if you're doing the right thing. I often wonder what I would feel like if I took a full time job at some sort of TV/Net venture, like say a Current TV. Maybe I'd like having salary, or knowing that something I put my work into will actually show up on TV. I've had several offers over the years, but I always find that I have too much freelance work, work as a teacher, or writer to do the full time job thing. These questions are my doubt seeping in sometimes, like maybe getting some nine to five deal will solve all the doubts I am sometimes plagued by. It's easy to be doubtful in this field, too, because there are so many subjective factors that go into having success. I had a friend who once actually asked me if there would be a day when I would quit, just forget about this and "do something else." But you see, the problem is, I don't really know what else I'd do. I would write books, maybe some articles (something I already do), but in terms of like being a project manager at a company or something, I'm just not sure about that. Maybe I'd enjoy it. At the moment, I am excited about shooting this movie, which we are doing in October, no matter what. I also have some new scripts that I think have potential, but again, it's a slow process, getting these out and seeing what might happen with them. I guess as artists/creative people, we just have to be extremely patient and have a lot of faith that the projects we sow will actually one day lead to other projects and more ideas.

Raspberry Bushes

So, I planted some raspberry bushes in my backyard, just to experiment a little, like the main character in my upcoming film, Raspberry Magic. It's pretty hard to grow raspberry bushes in LA, esp. because it doesn't rain that much. But mostly because I haven't been the most dedicated grower in the world. I thought the bushes would look a little happier with all the rains, but they kind of look sadder than ever... It would def. be impossible to grow berries on these sad little plants...