The Road

I recently finished reading Cormac McCarthy's Pulitzer-prize winning novel, The Road, and I have to say that it was one of the best books I've read in a very long time. I loved the sparse, staccato-like language, it's poetic rhythm taking you along the journey with father and son. The story was brilliant in its minimalism, giving the reader just enough information to go on the journey, but holding back the right amount to allow the reader's mind to wander. What I appreciated the most was the book's symbolic and metaphorical ruminations on the nature of love--when civilization has been decimated and father son are forced to find their way, is love enough to not only sustain them, but the future of the human race? In many ways, the book reminded me of The Fountainhead and Ayn Rand's theory of Objectivism, which condones altruism and advocates a rugged and fierce independence that in theory should empower the individual to survive. It's strange last night, because we were at a family party, and several of my husband's cousins and I stayed up late into the wee hours, debating this whole question of altruism versus the individual. One person in the group is a fierce Republican and believes wholeheartedly that tax dollars should not be used to help greater society, even when it comes to public services like health care, schools and more. He himself is wealthy and has done well in life, and some ways doesn't have much sympathy for those who have gone through hardships. It was an interesting discussion, something that kept bringing me back to the novel, The Road. McCarthy's book explores such complex and intricate questions, I've been thinking about it all week. Amazing that he could do so much with so little.

Insomnia on the East Coast

It's 3am and for the third night in a row, I am wide awake. I am so awake, it feels like 3pm in the afternoon, like I want to go jogging around the block five times. Whenever I come to NC for the holidays, I can't sleep. I'm sure it's partly due to the time change, but it's also because my mind goes into overdrive and I cannot stop thinking--the investors we're going to hit, the plot turn I'm adding to my new script, the short piece I need to polish. It reminds me of being a teenager, when I could never sleep, so I would read until 4am every night. Insomnia frustrates me, but right now, it's okay because I am in total chill mode, hanging out at my in-laws' place, eating all of the Indian delights I love like chaat and bhel. Yesterday, I finally fell asleep around 4am, then woke up at noon. It's been a long time since I've been in "chill mode", honestly, I can't really recall the last time, because I've been so crazed. So, instead of complaining, I will catch up on email and continue reading my books. It's sort of nice being in slow-paced Charlotte, going to Best Buy to get my father-in-law a TV and baking some cookies. It was weird flying here not only because Ameet and I were retarded enough to miss our flight, which meant hours of waiting for the next one, but also because the flight from Dallas to Charlotte was full of soldiers coming home for the holidays. I could not help but stare at a young woman, clad in a too-big uniform, her wire framed glasses sliding off her nose, her blond hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and her face full of pimples. Her young sister and mother waited in a corner while her father grabbed her bags off the conveyor belt. I couldn't help but worry, wonder whether she would make it home for the next Christmas, as she waved at several others wearing their camouflage. At least she was home for this one.

Ramifications of the Strike

As the Hollywood writers strike continues, I have been watching and monitoring the situation. While I believe that it is very important for a deal to be worked out, I always figured that market forces would create new incentives for both writers and internet ventures. The guild is a critical entity because it helps writers work out fair deals with the studios and major media conglomerates, particularly for larger production entities. But what I love about the Net is that it is a de-centralized form of media (that's why the studios don't know what to do with it) which is not overseen by the studios and media giants. In other words, what's stopping writers from going out and starting their own Net related ventures? That's what indie filmmakers do. We set up an investment entity, then we get people to believe in our vision. That is what I have been doing for the past couple of months--going out and getting investors. I know that many writers like working under the guild with the studios bc that is where the cash is, but on some level, now is a great time to come up with entrepreneurial ventures for the Net. We've seen sites like Quaterlife crop up, which I believe is a great idea, but the web site still needs a lot of refining on the technical end. It seems to me like in some ways, Hollywood is a little behind the curve bc content-related sites like even Current TV have been several years in the making. John August writes on his blog today about this idea, that technologists are in talks with high profile writers about setting up new entities. There is also a good article in the LA Times about this, as well.

Feelix

Feelix, built by Jakob Fredslund at Aarhus University in Denmark, is going to play a role in Raspberry Magic. But more to come on him soon...

I'm Still Here... Kind Of

The past month has been a total and complete whirlwind between writing, teaching, grading and trying to keep my head above the water with making my little indie film. This time of the year is always a bit tough because people are so swamped, and it's stressful in terms of setting up meetings, etc. But we've been chugging through consistently talking to all kinds of people about investing in the movie. This process is rough, and absolutely not for those with weak stomachs or hearts. Even myself, there are days when I feel totally discouraged, and I just want to put a blanket over my head and pretend I'm five years old. But alas, I want to make the film, so I have to crawl out of that shell and make the shit happen. I am excited, actually, to head back to NC for the holidays and chill, just a little. The financing for the film will be ongoing, but I am excited that my new spec is really coming together. I've got a first draft, and I'll prob spend the next couple of months punching it up to a third draft. Hopefully by then, this strike will come to close! On another front, I've been writing new flash fiction, which is exciting and fun, since it's super short and requires much less committment than a feature length screenplay :)

Strike, AFM, Filmmaking

So, it's been a week of writer's strikes here in LA land... Though it doesn't affect me directly at present in terms of my indie film work, it's a bit nerve racking because it just means that the system is even slower than it already is, meaning it's going to take forever for new work to be read! Ughh, it's already so slow! I guess all of this just gives me the impetus to focus on Raspberry Magic and make the film, no matter how low budget we have to go. I'm just at that point in my life where it's like do or die, I have to make the film and move ahead. I've also been thinking lately about doing a couple of narrative shorts for the web. I've got so many ideas, and it may be fun to shoot something in kind of a low-fi format and just get it out there. I love the possibility, because it's so much easier than screening something in film festivals--people can watch it much more immediately! On another tip, my producer and I went to AFM last week to meet with several people about the movie. It was fun but weird on many levels, hanging out in the lobby of the Loew's Hotel. We met with a couple of distributor/producer types who are helping us make this film happen, which was great. The weird part was seeing some filmmakers dressed in costumes or handing out schwag like pens and buttons. Man, it's a total down and dirty sort of hustle, people trying to get the word out however they can... This business is def tough at every juncture.

Quiet Week, Strike Looming

This is the first week in a long time that I haven't had meetings for Raspberry Magic. It was weird, but a good time to catch up on a bunch of things like putting together our fall newsletter/update. The week before, I had a pretty big deal investor meeting with a crew of people, which went very well. Megha and I had spend weeks putting together slides that are beautiful but also shock full of information. It was a stressful process and at one point, I thought we might kill one another, but it all worked out. It was a great experience to tell the story of the movie and also break down the financial for a captive audience. There are a number of people who are interested, but this process is so long, it requires a lot of talking back and forth, meeting with more people and then more people, constantly. I think sometimes that's the part that's hard for me, because it's a lot of waiting. But, we are lucky that we've got the meetings, and that we have a good group of people interested in the film. It's crazy with the whole Hollywood strike looming. I am sure it will impact me in ways I never imagined, even though it's not directly. It does seem like, though, with all this going on, we'll see more money going into webisodes and indie film. It will be interesting to see how all this shakes out.

Sense of Reality

What is reality and what how does one define existence? It's an abstract question, but the truth is that each of us have a different sense of reality and even meaning in our lives. For one person, reality might be about basic survival--finding food, shelter and water on a daily basis. For me, it's dealing with raising money for a movie, and living here in LA. For a good friend of mine who has a pretty bad case of paranoid schizophrenia, it's a about a "secret project" that no one knows about and that he can't tell us about. He's hiding out from people, and truly believes that there is conspiracy against him which involves someone logging into his email and monitoring his phone calls. I hesitated to blog about this whole thing because it's a highly personal matter, but on another level, it's preoccupied my thoughts more than I can even explain lately. Even more so, because some friends and I recently had an intervention where we tried to convince him to see a doctor. The conversation was like talking to a brick wall--he turned the story around on us, claiming that our argument that he is displaying all of the classic signs of the illness and that he should see a doctor was invalid. In fact, he kept telling us that we needed to come up with a new "story," a more creative reason for him to see a doctor. To him, nothing is wrong and he does not need to see a doctor. It's fascinating to me how the mind takes over and alters a person's idea of existence. Prior to schizophrenia, this person was an extremely high functioning member of society, someone who was the creme of the crop in terms of his ideas and abilities. Now, he is hiding out in his brother's apartment and sometimes wandering to friends' homes, walking around believing that he is being followed by people in this conspiracy. This whole situation makes me sad, particularly because there is no way to rationalize with a person in this state of mind. None. They have no doubts about their own sense of existence and reality and no one and really fuck with that. In fact, during the intervention, we brought up this whole point, that most of us question our own existence and sense of reality on a daily basis. He said he did not and that he did not want to. It's impossible to screw around with that.

Screenwriting Expo

I was always somewhat cynical about the Screenwriting Expo because I thought it would be another one of these weird events where people try to give you some magical formula to make millions on your next script. I went to one writing writing seminar like this where the speaker kept talking about how his Mercedes outside proved that he had a successful writing career. He kept giving long lists like, "30 ways to create conflict." It was weird--I actually left and got my money back. But, last year, I decided to go check out the expo and I have to say, I was really impressed. Most of the speakers were working writers or university teachers, which to me is way better than some of these "guru types" who often seem like they are basically trying to make a buck off poor souls with a dream. Anyway, I checked out several speakers who I thought were impressive like Steven Barnes and Linda Cowgill. Both were excellent in terms of their discussions on character and plot, and honestly, after listening to them, I felt like I stepped up my writing game in a huge way. I have a weird mindset with the expo, I go hardcore to classes and do my thing, but I'm not really in it to network. If I see people I know, then cool, but I'm really there to just go to the classes and take advice from the teachers. This year, I'm going focusing on plot and character, my two favorite areas, and going to a number of courses related to that. I'm looking forward to it, esp since I have so many ideas cooking in my head right now! Here are some of the seminars I plan to attend:

+ Inside Story: (Part 1) -- Developing the Transformational Arc of Character by Dara Marks
+ How to Create Characters With Emotional and Psychological Depth by Rachel Ballon
+ Sequences: The Hidden Structure of Successful Screenplays by Paul Joseph Gulino
+ Myth, Magic, Metaphysics: How to Use Them in Your Stories by Pamela Jaye Smith

Pushing Harder

This week has been long and exhausting. There is so much going on between the film and teaching, that I sometimes feel like I am struggling to keep my head above the water. In addition to teaching and making Raspberry Magic, I'm also writing a new spec script which I believe has a lot of potential, and even though I'm 80 pages in and know exactly where I want the ending to go, I wish I were further along. There is so much to do, I should be working like 25 hours a day. Sometimes I look at my creative resume and wish it was longer, a lot longer. Like instead of having made three short films, I wish I had made ten. Instead of writing three really solid features I'm proud of, I wish I had five. While sometimes this mindset is dangerous for me because I fall into a slump of never being satisfied, I also believe that this mindset keeps me going, motivates me. Even with the feature, there are moments when I want to be further along. But then, when I actually stop and look back, I'm actually amazed by how much we have done. If I think about where I was at a year ago versus now, I realize... Wow, I barely knew what a business plan was last year, but now I have one for the film! It's this amazing how life is? In the moment, when things are stressful, you wonder where everything is going. Then, when you actually stop and take a breath, you realize, wow, I have made progress...

Reading!

Throughout my youth and even into my twenties, I used to read voraciously. I would constantly read novels, sometimes literature, other times the scandalous stuff like VC Andrews. I would stay up until 4am just reading and reading. Now days, I'm so tired from either teaching or writing that I just don't have the energy to read as much. Also, writing so much, my patience with novels that have wayward plots is very limited. But this week, I picked up a book, written by a former writing teacher of mine called The Year of the Fog and it is incredible. I took a writing workshop with the author, Michelle Richmond, one foggy summer in San Francisco. This was a summer when I was feeling very blue, because I felt that after having gotten my Master's degree in doc. filmmaking, that I didn't want to make docs anymore. I had always known deep down that fiction was my calling, but I wasn't sure if that meant writing short stories or writing film scripts. And, I wasn't really sure of how one pursues their dreams to write fiction. So, I was experimenting with workshops, and I came upon Michelle's. Anyway, in her class, we wrote a lot of flash fiction, or or short stories under a thousand words. I had never done this kind of writing, but I found that I had a knack for it, especially with the dialog. Some of my stories would have the group laughing so hard that they were crying. It was a strange revelation for me, as I had written many short stories in the past, but they were long (like 20 pages or more), and were basically just terrible. Anyway, Michelle was unlike most of the writing teachers I had had, she was young and beautiful and very encouraging. This class helped me build my confidence, and was great preparation for making my short, This Moment. I'm stoked for Michelle, because her novel really is excellent. Amazing language, great story, engaging characters. It's great to see her be successful!

Scene Study

So, I've been taking a scene study class just to help my directing process and it's been very interesting. I had this realization about the acting/writing/directing process the other day as several actors were working on entrance/exit exercises. In this class, the entrance/exit exercises are long, the teacher allots like ten minutes for each actor, which to me is an eternity! Anyway, a lot of the actors had a tendency to use up time by walking around the space aimlessly, or taking forever on something that would ordinarily be a simple action. For example, one guy was reading a letter which was supposed to deliver bad news. I think he spent five minutes looking at the letter and getting progressively more upset. There is nothing wrong with taking time on an action, but this was so long that it didn't make sense and even the teacher, Michelle Danner, told him there was too much lag time. In other words, the audience was totally zoning out! Anyway, the concepts in writing and acting are very similar for the stage and screen--there needs to be action motivated by a deeper reason. The reasons are usually tied to the story goals. This is where the director comes in. I totally see how actors can get bogged down with wayward action without the guidance of a director. It is a director's job to motivate all of the movements and make sure they are serving the purpose of the scene. I felt like a lot of the scenes that the actors performed from plays involved lots of walking aimlessly on stage. Very distracting and not really serving deeper goals. So, it'll be exciting as a director taking the class to guide some of the scenes and help with the blocking. It is great for me to see how the principles of creating drama are the same for all of the disciplines--motivated action is key!

Art Show!

A good friend of mine invited my husband and I to check out the LA opening for British artist Antony Micallef last night. I wasn't familiar with his work, but I had heard he was in the same category as Banksy, creating urban art with underlying messages that deal with corporate greed, media frenzy and more. I have to say, I was quite blown away by his art, especially a piece in which a little boy is coloring with crayons, and drawing a whole bunch of corporate logos. I love this idea of using corporate logos to represent the world in which we live. I integrated some visuals like this into my script called Kate's Rules because I wanted to play with this whole idea of "culture jamming." I think if the film ever got made, it would be a great leit motif. Anyway, Antony Micallef's pieces were on sale for anywhere between $150,000 to $250,000 per painting, and all of the works on the upper gallery were sold, and many in the lower gallery were also sold. Amazing that in one night he made over a million dollars off his art, his creativity! It's even more incredible because he's only 32 years old. Apparently, many celebrities have bought his art, and helped to increase its value. Going to the show made me ponder questions about art and creativity, and what makes something truly stand out. It's definitely not an easy question, but on some level it basically made me want to cloister myself at home and work way harder than I am now!

Our first check, Directing, Toronto Film Fest

Megha and I have been hustling all summer, meeting with various people about the movie. We've gotten commitments from a number of people, but there is nothing as exciting as actually receiving that first check. It's pretty cool to get a check made out to Raspberry Magic, LLC. It makes the movie seem that much more real, that much more tangible! Megha and I have been at this for less than a year, and we've def. made strides. There are moments when I want time to speed up, and make everything happen so much faster. But then when I actually look back on things, they already seem to have sped by!

On another note, Megha and I went to the Toronto FF this weekend and watched a shit load of films. We met some interesting people, as well, but we watched a ton of movies. I think it's helpful as we work on our movie to see what's out there. One thing we def. noticed was that so many of the films could have been thirty minutes shorter. It's painful sometimes at festivals to watch films that could really use another pass. We went to the North American premiere of Paul Schrader's new film, The Walker. Kind of sucked b/c the film reels were spliced together in the wrong order, and they had to stop the movie for 30 minutes to re-splice, what a pain. Good film, interesting premise, but again, it seemed like they weren't quite at the final cut stage, as some of the editing felt rough. We def. want to spend the time/money with Raspberry Magic to get an excellent editor to can really make the movie pop! We watched a ton of international films, which was nice. An amazing movie called M, though again, it really could have been shorter!

Cynicsm

It is tough sometimes, being in LA, because this is the place where people move to live and breath their dreams. It can be a very tough climb, especially for people who have been pounding the pavement really hard for anywhere from five to ten years. Whether you are acting, writing, or directing, it is easy to become cynical and feel like you are not where you want to be. I meet so many people who have a broken spirit because they have been trying for so long, and yet, nothing is happening. It is certainly not easy to deal with rejection and loss of hope. But I really and truly believe that if you are here for the right reasons, and want to practice your craft because you care deeply about it, all of those other issues slowly melt away. I'm not saying that everyone can be rich and famous, but what I am saying is that if being rich and famous is your goal, then you will be disappointed. However, if your goal is to write three really great scripts and see what happens with them, then this is doable. For me, I was unhappy with where I was at for a long time, but then, I decided to focus on just being creative and making stuff rather than on the end results. In other words, I decided that I had to find a way to make my film, while also continuing to write. This is not easy, but what I've found is that I am so busy making stuff and creating, that I really don't have time to be cynical and unhappy. It is really and truly a good feeling.

Grants

We are raising the funds for Raspberry Magic mostly through private equity. This approach seems to be the most practical, in my opinion. In the past, I have applied to many different grants, etc, but the problem with grants often is that they have a very specific agenda in terms of the projects they want, especially places like ITVS. However, this summer I went ahead and applied for the Roy Dean Grant, which provides equipment and other useful resources for low-budget films. I'm a bit hesitant about these types of things, because in the past, I really put long hours in applying for all kinds of stuff, none of which seemed to pan out. I applied to the Dean grant last year, as well, and wasn't a finalist. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to be a finalist for the grant this year. We didn't win, but Carol Dean, who is in charge, gave us many kudos on the project and was very helpful in terms of suggesting resources.

Business Plans, Distribution

It has been a fun, crazy hectic and exciting summer as I live, breath and dream Raspberry Magic. My producer and I have been working our butts off, meeting with many potential investors and getting our business plans into the hands of as many people as possible. It has been an incredible experience, because with every meeting, I feel like I learn something new, especially on the business end. Our business plan, like our script, evolves as we meet with investors and add more and more details. People ask us questions, we ponder them, then edit/change our plan accordingly and expand our process. I think many potential investors are impressed that we've thought through so many aspects of our production, but there is always room to add more. We've especially had a lot of new insight into different distribution models. Most filmmakers want the big pickup by a major studio, but that doesn't always happen. We've been learning more about service deals, where the filmmakers raise some PR money up front and then forge partnerships based having done their own PR. There are some really interesting opps. in this area as the distribution arena of indie film continues to grow/change. We are tackling all angles in terms of thinking about the distribution and how we're going to get this film out.

Shooting Something

My producer Megha and I drove an hour and a half east of here to gather some footage for a little teaser reel we're putting together. It's not a trailer, but more of a short piece that gives a feel for the tone of the movie. It was so hot that day, I really thought we were going to pass out. It also didn't help that we had a number of car woes, including my car heating up and hers breaking down on the way to my house. But all in all, we got some great photos of raspberries. I felt a bit harried the whole time b/c there was so much to think about, but it was good to get out and actually shoot something after being so focused on re-writes. I used the Panasonic DVX 100A, which is really an amazing camera. The 24p quality is awesome, and I love all the little things, like being able to use a 1/8 and 1/64 ND filter. If I shot more often, I would def. run out and purchase that little camera, it's sweet!

Acting Classes

When I was young, I was very interested in theater and took several drama classes. In college, I took a class called "Performance of Black Literature." The class was super intense, because it required a lot of time with rehearsals, and it was just tough because I am a bit shy about performing in front of people. Then, I stopped taking acting classes, and was much more focused on the technical aspects of filmmaking, especially with my writing. But lately, as I start talking to actors and moving ahead with Raspberry Magic, I decided that an acting class would be very helpful. I took an introductory course at the Larry Moss Studio. Basically, we didn't have to act, but the teacher did a lot of exercises to help us reach deeper into our emotions, and use those emotions for inciting memory. I was very impressed with the teacher, Michelle Danner, as her philosophies of filmmaking, acting and just life were inspiring. She dissected the performances of several great actors, as well, which was so helpful for me. I learned so much in one weekend. I honestly feel that acting classes can sometimes be more helpful for writers than writing classes. Though I was shy and sometimes awkward about doing the exercises (everyone around me got really into it, to the point where people were crying!), I can def. use these techniques when I'm developing new characters, and fleshing out dialog. She also showed us several ways that actors can create emotional intention with a scene. Michelle was very specific about using verbs that are really descriptive to define intention and create the different beats in a scene. I loved how she also discussed creative choices, and how actors can really pump up their performances with small things. I am thrilled at having taken the classes, and really feel like I've stepped up my game!

Making it Real

Even though we're about a year away from shooting the movie, it's pretty exciting to actually make things that have abstract for so long tangible. For example, last week, I met with a talented husband-wife duo who is very interested in acting in the movie. They've read the script and really like it. What was so cool for me was to hear their interpretations of the characters and bring their own unique take on people who've been existent only on paper for the past few years. This is one aspect of screenwriting I love; it's a living breathing and changing sort of art form where each collaborator gets to bring his/her artistic bent to the table. While I certainly have a vision of how I want the movie look and feel, I also love giving other artists a chance to create. Likewise, we are shooting a short promo for the film, and I've been talking to a DP friend of mine. He's been great in suggesting locations, cameras and the likes. It's pretty cool, again, to make something that's on the page a reality! Now we actually have to go out and shoot it!